Back Crowfall
Chapters (48)
  1. Cover
  2. SHANTA GOKHALE
  3. Praise for the Marathi original, Tya Varshi
  4. Dedication
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8Horn OK Thank You!
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18F for FakeJanaki Patil
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25Painting Walls
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. Footnotes
  48. THE BEGINNING

When Madhavrao touches Guruji's feet he does not bend, touch and straighten up as others do. He prostrates himself. When he rises, his eyes are invariably moist. He feels no embarrassment. He pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket, gives his eyes a thorough wipe, and even snorts into it on occasion. He then stands aside with a smile full of bliss, awaiting Guruji's order to sit. On this day, he has been denied prostration, and the order to sit has not come. Moreover, he is perplexed at Sharada's presence. So when Guruji finally turns around and signals to him to sit, he gesticulates and arranges the lines on his face into the question: how can I sit when it appears to be Sharada's time for a lesson? Guruji makes another sign to him to sit. ‘There's no lesson today,’ he says. Sharada starts. For the first time, Guruji looks at her and says, ‘You too may sit.’

‘There's no lesson’ is the first part of her punishment. She guesses that Madhavrao's presence means more will follow. She realizes she is still standing. Guruji says, ‘Sit down, please. You’re perfectly self-sufficient now. You should not need my permission to sit.’

Guruji's voice becomes nasal when he makes cutting remarks. Sharada's palms have been sweating. Now her heart begins to pound. She is not afraid of what Guruji will say next. What she is afraid of is that she will suddenly lose her respect for him. Where will that leave her? So far she has managed to justify even his most irrational outbursts, his arrogance in dealing with people, his paroxysms of rage against Pandit Raghuvir Sharma of their own gharana. She has told herself that nobody understands Guruji's greatness. He has never got over the grief of losing his wife at a young age. His ideas about music are too idealistic for today's world, et cetera, et cetera. But lately, doubts have begun to creep in.

‘Did you attend Sharadatai's concert, Madhavrao?’ he asks. Madhavrao looks intensely uncomfortable. He knows Sharada has done wrong. He has been disturbed about it ever since he heard her composition at the concert. He has also known that he will be asked this question. He is a simple man. He nods uncertainly in answer to the question, not seeing, what Sharada sees, that Guruji is laying a trap for him. She does not wish to see him being used in this game. Guruji should tell her what is in his mind and be done with it. But he will not. Sharada looks at the floor.

‘Yes, I heard you were there,’ Guruji says softly.

Madhavrao nods again.

‘What did you think?’

Madhavrao is trapped between the devil of saying he liked the concert and the deep blue sea of saying he did not. He flails around.