‘Anytime now would be good,’ I say. And right on cue, the fire alarm goes off, followed a few seconds later by powerful sprays of water from the sprinklers around the room. The water hisses as it makes contact with the flames, the tree, and the boiling floor, dampening down the fire and releasing clouds of steam.

‘Thank god,’ I say. ‘I know I have a reputation for being a bad-ass, but I am so not ready to go to prison for arson.’

‘It’s working,’ Ade says. ‘The fire’s almost out.’

And we’re so busy watching the dying flames that I don’t notice the unglitching until a familiar hand grips my shoulder like a vice.

25

Humansplaining

‘You could have been such an asset,’ Mum says as she marches me over to where Dale stands dripping in the centre of the room. Other bugs grab Kat, Mak and Ade, and we’re all lined up like we’re facing a firing squad. The sprinklers spray on, drenching everything and everyone.

‘What happened to the walkie?’ I ask Mak.

‘Battery ran out,’ he says. ‘Zuzie must have been using them to play crocodile hunter again. Sorry.’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ I say. ‘Maybe it’s even better this way.’

‘You all seem unconcerned that your plan has failed,’ Dale says. ‘As it seems impossible to turn you…’

‘Tardibrownies.’ Ade grins.

‘…we’ll have to end you. It’s a shame. We don’t like to waste host bodies, but you cannot be allowed to continue to hinder us.’ 299

The sprinklers come to a sudden stop, but the steam still rises, swirling around us like a scene from a ghost movie. And I hope to hell this has worked, otherwise this really is the start of the end of the world.

‘So when you say “end,” I say, ‘I assume you have something specific and disturbing in mind.’

‘The sting.’ Mum smiles.

‘Right,’ I nod. ‘So it’s poisonous?’

‘A deadlier toxin than any other on your, or should I say our planet,’ Dale smiles, and he looks so smug I want to smack him in the mouth.

‘Will you be doing the honours?’ I ask him. ‘Won’t you rip your smart trousers?’

‘I wouldn’t call them smart,’ Kat says. ‘No offence, Dale, but the water seems to have done something funny to the material.’

‘It’s sort of shrunk around your legs, and belly,’ says Mak.

‘Not very flattering,’ Ade says. ‘No offence.’

‘I’m going to enjoy this,’ Dale says, and he bends his knees slightly. Then nothing. He makes a confused face, straightens up, and then bends again, gritting his teeth.

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing out of 300 my mouth, but a snort comes from my nose instead. I hear a giggle from Kat, and then that’s it – we all start to laugh really, properly hard.