At that, I laugh. “So … you’re bothered that I’m not as annoying as you thought I’d be?”

“It’s more than that. You stood up to Shannon about sharing your shit with Jasmine. And since the summer, you … walk taller, or something. Chase obviously sees something different in you, and I’m just saying, I see it too.”

Okay, this was definitely not the conversation I expected. I’ve always wondered if maybe Kiki lived somewhere under the rainbow, given her total disinterest in the guys at Stratford, but I kinda figured she was too sophisticated for them. She’s the type to, like, sleep with her brilliant professor in college. But maybe—

“That sounded like I was hitting on you. I’m not hitting on you,” she clarifies. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something big in your life and it’s kind of killing me. Not because I’m a nosy piece of shit but because you’re one of my best friends.”

For a moment, I feel a twinge of disappointment. Not that I wanted Kiki to hit on me—there’s enough confusion in my head as it is—but I’d kill to be able to talk to another girl who’s kissed a girl, who’s … been with a girl. I want to ask her what the fuck it means and how I know if it does mean something.

But, I realize, Kiki’s giving me an opening for something else. And it’s not everything, but it’s not nothing. “It’s not something big,” I say, feeling shy and silly, and grateful when the light turns green and she has to tear her eyes away from me. “But I kind of loved the work I did this summer. The person I assisted? She was amazing. She did all this photography and web stuff, and I feel like I learned that there are more things to do with your life than, like, doctor or lawyer or accountant or whatever else every kid from here does. I don’t know, it just got me feeling … open. And optimistic. Excited for the future and trying new things. Not that I have any photography talent, but … writing, maybe?” I can’t believe I just told Kiki that. I can’t believe I’m still talking. I can’t believe I am about to tell her my second biggest secret. “I’ve been writing. A book. A romance, actually.”

“Lara! That’s awesome!” Her smile is so big and genuine, and it makes me smile too. “I had no idea you were interested in writing. I didn’t know what you were interested in, really, other than Chase.”

The comment stings, but it also makes me laugh. “Surprise! And no, it isn’t Chase-and-Lara fanfiction, I swear.”