“He’s a football player—the quarterback—and he’s really talented, and he looks so damn good in the uniform,” I begin, and I hear my voice take on a dreamy quality that makes me feel silly, but everyone is looking at me with rapt curiosity and I love this night so much. Another Jell-O shot finds its way into my hand and I suck it down without a second thought. “He’s in my class and he’s such a nice guy. Like, he’s hot and popular and he could be such a dick, but he’s always nice to everyone. I love that he’s always nice to everyone.” I’m babbling, like verbally foaming at the mouth, but I gave up any hope of catching his eye this summer when I came here, and it feels like I deserve this moment. “And he works so hard. I catch him in the gym all the time. Being good at what he does means so much to him.”

Everyone nods like I’m not being incredibly boring, and I love them for it. Eventually, someone asks for pictures and I pass my phone around, feeling only a little creepy when Jasmine and Carter rejoin us and ask what we’re up to.

I mumble a “nothing” into the summer air, but the others override me, making me love them a little less. I wait for the teasing to come, for this pair who’ve been off hooking up to mock my crush on a guy who’s never so much as kissed my cheek, but it doesn’t materialize. Instead, the conversation turns to old crushes. Everyone’s in on it, from Brea laughing about her ancient unrequited love for her mom’s yoga instructor to Keisha admitting she used to pull the “my boyfriend lives in Canada” move before she was out as aroace, and it’s the most comfortable I’ve been in ages.

The comfort emboldens me to ask Jasmine about Carter when she’s driving us back to her—our—house, and if she wants a window to confess deeper feelings, she’s definitely got one. He seems like a really sweet guy, he’s ridiculously hot, and he’s cool as hell, so I’m expecting to pick up on some signals, even if she acts like it’s nothing. Years of being friends with Kiki has taught me everything to look for, from dilated pupils to a flush in the cheeks to any number of tells in body language.

But all she says is, “It’s nice to forget life for a while,” and though I’m not sure it’s her intended consequence, it shuts me up for the rest of the ride.

Chapter Four

NOW