“We’re in English together” is all I offer, and I watch as Jasmine takes in my answer, takes in that I haven’t told my friends about her. I try to convey with my eyes that it’s a temporary response, that maybe it can change if she wants it to, but she just nods.

No upset, no surprise—just acceptance.

Suddenly, it’s too much. It’s all too much. The secrets and the summer hanging heavy between us and the meshing of my OBX life and my Stratford life, here in Jasmine fucking Killary’s kitchen … it’s too much.

“Can you show me where the bathroom is?” I ask Jasmine in a rush.

She starts to respond, and I motion as if I can’t hear her. If she thinks she’s getting out of having a real conversation, she’s got another think coming. Thankfully, that she picks up on pretty quick, and soon she’s leading me out of the kitchen and—as soon as no one’s paying attention—up the stairs and to her bedroom.

It takes me a few seconds to realize that’s what room we’re in, because it looks so wildly unlike her, it’s hard to imagine that this is where she sleeps. Even her vacation house had more personal character than this. There are no photos, no posters, no colorful scarves draped on anything, and she’s gone from an entire case of books in her Outer Banks house to a single shelf here, most of which are for school. There isn’t even any makeup strewn over her desk.

For the millionth time since I first spotted her in Stratford, I wonder if the Jasmine Killary I knew this summer was real.

“I see we’re sticking with the secret route,” she says, and I was so lost in observing everything that isn’t there that I’m startled by the sound of her voice. I open my mouth to say that we don’t have to, but she adds, “I think that’s a good idea.”

Even though I was expecting it, it feels like a shot to the heart. I don’t answer right away, instead giving myself a little tour of her room. “Where’s all your stuff?”

“In Asheville, mostly. My mom’s selling the house and moving near family, so it didn’t seem worth it to drag everything up here when I’d just be moving again next year.”