A girl I might never see again.

A girl who might’ve left me behind first.

Then I hear the clanging of pans out in the kitchen, and I’m filled with mixed emotions as I think about seeing Jasmine again after last night. But I only have a few hours left, and I still need to pack, so I’ll take being uncomfortable if it means I’m not missing my chance to say goodbye entirely.

I rummage around on the floor for my bra and underwear and grab shorts and a T-shirt from Jasmine’s drawers—I’ve certainly spent enough of this summer lifting her clothing. But I still think oh, shit when I walk out of her room and see she’s not alone in the kitchen—Declan’s with her, sipping from a mug of coffee.

“Larissa! I thought you’d be packing.”

I don’t even know what to say. Jasmine and I have had plenty of sleepovers this summer but for some reason I am convinced he can tell I slept with his daughter last night in a very, very different way. I will my tongue to unstick itself but can’t seem to get a single word out.

“We wanted to hang out after the party, and Larissa fell asleep. I couldn’t, so I let her have the bed and passed out watching a movie on the couch,” Jasmine explains, pushing scrambled eggs around a skillet. “These are just about done, Dad.”

There’s no invitation for me to stay, and I really do have to pack, so I say my goodbyes and a lukewarm thank-you to Jasmine for letting me stay over.

We don’t talk when we hug goodbye.

It is, in fact, silent.

Later, at the airport, she texts me a single heart emoji. I text her one back.

It’s the last we ever speak until she shows up at Stratford High.

NOW

Do I wanna talk about it?

How do I feel?

“She thinks she’s in love with me.”

Kiki smiles without any trace of sarcasm. It’s weird and I don’t think I’ve ever seen that on Kiki’s face and I’m not sure what to do with it. “How’d hearing that feel?”

The first word that comes to mind is confusing. I didn’t think love was in the equation. I didn’t think feelings were even an option. I don’t know what being in love means to her, and I definitely don’t know what it means to me. I thought I was in love with Chase all those years, but that wasn’t this. That made me feel feverish and ridiculous and like I wanted to follow him everywhere, to have done all these things with him.

But now I’ve done so many of those things, and it feels like what I did was check off a list.