“I did the math. I was twelve when he killed Leah J.,” she said, disappointment in her voice, but it was old and had lost its power. “There was Leah and Dawn and at least one more, as far as I know. It’s funny, I went back and forth between denial and realization a bunch of times. When it sinks in slow like that, in that back-and-forth way, and when you’re still a kid, and you’re not sure what’s real, you get used to the idea of it, comfortable with it. It’s not so shocking somehow. And the thing is, he was a good dad. So even when I was sure he’d killed a few girls, when I was literally holding evidence, I was still doubting myself. Does that make sense?”

Yeah, it did. Kids’ ideas of reality are so malleable, they can get used to anything. Dad might be a serial killer, but he’s also a good dad, so it’s fine.

Desiree sighed heavily. No tears though. This was nothing more than archeology to her, dry bones dug up in her backyard. Clinical and cold. “I didn’t know about the purple ring. Obviously. I thought that one was my mom’s. How could I know what was hers or theirs? If I had known, I never would have worn it while you were in town. Your mom must have given it to Dawn.”

Had Asher taken it off Dawn’s finger before or after he’d severed it?

Desiree moved the gravel around with her foot. “I got the bird tattoo when I was sixteen to piss him off, show him I knew who he was. You’re not going to believe this, it’s the craziest thing, I think he forgot about the cocktail napkins. I showed him my tattoo, and he wasn’t fazed, said, ‘cute tattoo.’ Fuck.” She kicked the gravel again.

The stink of my panic imbued this tight space. I kicked and writhed, made noise, but couldn’t do much else. Not having to look me in the eyes, that I couldn’t interrupt, had to make it easier for Desiree to reveal so much. I hated her for it because I was trapped and gagging on her boyfriend’s filthy sock. If I weren’t bound, if we were sitting on barstools at Shawnee’s, I might feel for her.

“You wanted to know why Paulson would have your mom sign a confession? I think my dad saw what was going on with Doctor Paulson, either he saw him abusing patients or he realized Paulson was stealing drugs from the hospital, whatever it was, my dad saw an opportunity. I think he told Paulson he would keep quiet about the doctor’s strange practice if Paulson got your mom to confess. That confession got my dad off the hook.”