Just like the smile I pasted on my face couldn’t hide the cracks in my soul, but I wore it anyway, especially when I worked at Sanctuary, a shelter for battered women and children. Those women found it easy to confide in me because they saw themselves in the broken girl who spent more time with them than she did living. I loved working there, actually felt like I was making a difference, even if I only did the bookkeeping. I spent more hours at that place, working and volunteering, than doing anything else. I was good at helping others with their trauma and grief because I sure couldn’t shake my own.

I rolled to a stop on the side of the highway and slid from the driver’s seat, leaving the door open and the engine running. With a hard swallow, I stepped over the rail and tiptoed toward the edge of the river. The water’s surface whispered to me from several feet below. I’d come a long way, in terms of my phobia, but my irrational fear was still an everyday struggle.

Lifting my gaze, I focused on the island with even breaths. My hands formed two tight balls of sheer willpower—if I unfurled my fists, I wouldn’t be able to stop from scratching my skin. The compulsion nearly overwhelmed me, but I drew on my breathing technique and mentally recited what my therapist often said to me.

You have the power to change your life.

No one else could do it for me, and I was fed up with mutilating my skin because I couldn’t cope.

A gust of wind nipped at my exposed cheeks. I pulled my jacket tighter, nestling deep into the hood. Coming here was hard, but it was the only way I knew how to let Rafe go. I’d tried everything to find him somewhere alive. I’d badgered Jax for the truth about that morning until he’d stormed off without a word. And after hearing rumors that Rafe was involved in illegal fighting, I’d hired a private investigator, but he’d turned up dead end after dead end.

If Rafe was alive, he either didn’t know who he was…or he didn’t want to be found.

Eyes stinging, I shivered in my boots and slid behind the wheel again. As I left Dante’s Pass, hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I was surprised I made it home in one piece, considering the wretched weather and the state of my mind.