I railed against the idea of her restrained to my bed. I didn’t think of freeing her. No, I thought of taking advantage, of choking her while simultaneously ramming my cock into her.

And she’d let me because she trusted me.

I didn’t trust me.

“I can’t do it, Jax.” I shook my head, mouth forming a stubborn line. “Part of me wants to go back eight years and shake some fucking truth into her. None of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have been so fucking broken. I wouldn’t have gone through hell in prison.” I paused, dragging my hands through my hair, and tamped down the strangling overflow of emotion. “I wouldn’t have killed your uncle. None of this would—”

“And I’d be dead.”

Jax’s gaze held mine, and the utter quiet that settled over that moment was spine-tingling. The light turned green, and we rolled forward again. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” He scrunched his brows. “Or her. Fuck, Rafe. I’ve hated her for all kinds of reasons, but I never stopped to think about it like that. If she’d told the truth, you wouldn’t have been there to save my ass.”

There was no easy way to look at the fucked up mess we’d created. Any way I contemplated it, someone ended up dead. But I couldn’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if Alex had told the truth. Zach would’ve gone to jail, and I was positive my pull toward Alex would have brought us together. Could we have ended up happy? Normal? Me, living the dream in the UFC with a hot, kinky wife and a couple of kids at my side?

It sounded good, but it didn’t sound like us.

We couldn’t bury our history. It was a fucking zombie that would just keep coming, no matter how many times we thought we’d laid it to rest. Unlocking my memory had screwed us. The anger, the agony, the fucking pain of betrayal that squeezed my chest until I couldn’t fucking breathe…

I wanted to choke her for it all.

I’d kidnapped her for a reason. I’d craved an outlet, and that gravitational pull that ensured Alex and I orbited each other wouldn’t be denied. I’d needed her, only she’d needed a sane man who could put her back together again.

How could I fix her if I couldn’t fix myself? How could I be the man she needed when all I wanted to do was bend her until she snapped?

“It’s too late for us. What’s done is done. Someday, she’ll see it’s for the best.”

Jax sighed. “You think she’s strong enough to stand on her own?”

“I know she is. She’s stronger than me. I’m the one who needs her.”