“Guards were running a fight club. You were their favorite bet. Dude, it was brutal. You took some nasty beatings.”

“I participated in unsanctioned fighting in there?” That didn’t sound like me.

“Didn’t have much choice.” Jax rubbed his chin. “Guards used Cleft and his crew as enforcement. The rapes weren’t stopping until you started fighting.”

Holy fuck. No wonder I didn’t want to remember any of this.

“That still doesn’t explain why Perrone wanted me dead. C’mon, he’s out for revenge because of a prison fight? What aren’t you telling me?”

He sighed. “You thought it was a fight. Like I said—memory problems. Fuck, Rafe, you didn’t want to remember.”

“What are you saying?” But the implication dropped to the bottom of my stomach and formed a ball of dread. Some part of me, buried deep inside, already knew.

“You didn’t beat the shit out of my uncle. You choked him to death.”

I’d known what he was going to say, but those words banded around my chest anyway. I sucked in a breath, let it out in the space of five seconds. I’d had my hands around Alex’s throat, tempted as fuck to steal her air while I fucked her.

What had I done?

“You had my back in there,” Jax said. “You fucking saved my ass, man.”

“But you sold me out.”

“I did it for Tawny.”

“Who’s Tawny?” I asked, thinking back to our conversation in my cellar before all of this went down. “Is she the one that got away?

“Come again?”

“In my cellar, you said you had to let someone go.”

“Tawny’s my sister.” He reached for the vodka again, and his gaze landed somewhere over my shoulder. “I was talking about you.”

I blinked, fucking dumbfounded. Speechless.

“Yeah…” he said, letting out a breath that ruffled his hair. “You never did catch on about that. It’s not that I’m averse to women—”

“Just their touch.” That much, I remembered, and it still stunned me that I knew it, despite most everything else remaining a huge gaping blank.

“My old man tried fixing me when I was a teenager…”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear more, but I remained quiet and waited for him to unload.

“He forced a few of the slaves on me. This one…shit, I’ll never forget her. Sick bastard forced anal, and she was a fucking virgin.” He shuddered. “I didn’t actively participate, just laid there like a pathetic wuss while they forced her onto my dick.” He gritted his teeth, his whole face hardening in remembered horror. “It fucking hurt her like hell, but that didn’t stop me from coming in her ass. I’ve never heard anyone scream the way she did. Sometimes, I swear I hear her still.” He lifted the bottle to his lips again.