So why wasn’t I? Even I didn’t know why I was stuck in purgatory, neither remembering the past nor moving toward the future. I was frozen in this lonely existence where Alex’s wails haunted my dreams each night. Other stuff haunted me too. Men and their brutal hands taking every last thread of power from me. I shook the images from my head, as I always did when those nightmares sparked. They pierced me to my bones every time, but I took them as a sign that on some subconscious level, I craved the control I’d lost. Made sense, considering my life had become a huge clusterfuck.

“If you’re not ready to talk to Adam,” Jax said, “at least come meet up with me tonight. You’ve been cooped up on that island too long. We’ll scope out a date for you.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Dating is the furthest thing from my mind, but I appreciate the thought.” Tiring of pacing, I returned to the living room and lowered onto the couch with my laptop. Keeping tabs on the local fighting scene had become an obsession. I ached to step into the cage again, to experience the thrilling high that only came from choking out an opponent. But no legitimate organization would take on a guy convicted of raping a 15-year-old girl.

“Forget about women then,” Jax said. “Just come meet me tonight. Say about nine?”

“I’ll think about it.” I scrolled through the latest fights and their outcomes. Some of the fighters I remembered, but a lot of the contenders were new names making a splash on the scene. “So how’s Nikki?”

“Nikki is…” His sigh filtered over the line. “I’m trying to get her to postpone this fucking wedding.”

“You’re in over your head,” I said, closing the laptop.

“You’re one to talk.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Alex De Luca. She’s the reason you’re holed up in isolation on that damn piece of land.”

I hated how he knew me so well. “I shouldn’t have left her the way I did, Jax. She was a mess—”

“Let it go,” he said, tone firm. “You don’t even remember her.”

“Oh, I remember her.”

“I’m not talking about the girl. I’m talking about the woman. You lose your fucking memory, but somehow, you’re still just as obsessed as ever.”

I had no ground to argue on, so I didn’t even try. A knock sounded, and I welcomed the distraction of an unexpected visitor. “Someone’s here.” I strode to the door, pulled it open, and found Alex standing on the other side, suddenly just there, as if my guilt had summoned her. “I’ll have to call you back,” I told Jax before hanging up on him. I pocketed my cell then stared at her with my mouth hanging open.