We had reached a standstill where the only movements were our hearts pumping heavy and hard. I knew if I just held her there long enough, pressed her hard enough into that glass until it started to cut through her thick Chicago Bulls sweatshirt, she wouldn’t have a choice. That sharp fire-hot pain would make her force me off, with her feet or her knees. I thought about strangling her, but God changed my mind. I stared into her eyes before I sat on her chest with my knees crushing her breasts. She had just gotten that shot, so I knew they were sore. That did it.

“Oooohhh,” she finally moaned. Her pain invigorated me and I pressed harder.

“Okay! Okay,” she said with her eyes scrunched and her face frowned in pain.

“You better do it,” I mumbled through tears, then closed my eyes tight because I could see she was getting to the point where she had no choice. Like I had eyes in the back of my head, I saw Junior and Jesse standing in their parents’ bedroom doorway, holding each other and crying. But I couldn’t hold Nakesha tight and stiffen myself for her blow at the same time. I squeezed my eyes so tight I gave myself a headache. Then, I howled—a high-pitched scream that rang my ears like noon church bells for the seconds it lasted. The seconds it took Nakesha to slap my face. The seconds it took me to loosen and focus back on crushing her.

“Shivana… no … stop …” I heard one of them kids cry through snotty hiccups. I didn’t hear keys jingling in the lock, the front door opening, Renelle’s brown paper Aldi bag full of groceries falling to the floor, the swish of her Mickey Mouse nursing scrubs as she ran toward me to dig her fingernails into my shoulders.

“Shivana, what the hell…?”

Renelle shook me backward and held me up while I flailed. Nakesha jumped up, coughing and unable to catch her breath. Once she sucked in one entire breath, I saw her eyes flame. She charged Renelle and me, slapping me in the face over and over again.

“You better get out of my house!” Renelle shouted. “Shivana, who—?”

“I hate you, Shivana!” Nakesha screamed so loud I came to and stopped. “I hate you! You bet not ever speak to me again! I hate you!”

“Just stop it!” Renelle shouted, holding her arms out straight so that Nakesha couldn’t get to me and I couldn’t get to her. I had stopped moving, stopped breathing, stopped seeing. Jesse and Junior had run to their mother, clutching her legs and hoping the madwomen didn’t turn on them. I saw their fear, and was ashamed. I dropped my arms loose and felt ready to take whatever Nakesha had to give me, but she wasn’t interested in kicking my ass anymore. She was ready to leave a deeper wound.