I wish we could start this all over again … me, you, and him just wipe the slate clean. Forget Leroy, forever, and pretend this happened today, right here, right now, anew. Then maybe I could feel better about you. Maybe this situation wouldn’t be so sour. My heart wouldn’t be so heavy, my future wouldn’t be so uncertain. See Ma was wrong she got me blaming you when I should be blaming them—these men, the ones who don’t know how to love us. But I got me one right here in my arms, right here on top of me, loving me because it’s what he want to do and not what nobody forced him to do, and my heart tell me he ain’t going nowhere. So I think it’s okay for me to think about you now to let you in my mind and make plans about the both of us while this man on top of me making me feel so good I can start looking for you some nice clothes all pink ’cause like Nakesha said I hope you a girl but I know he gonna want a boy I really don’t care what you are I just know I’m gonna keep you looking good I’m gonna shine your face up with Vaseline every single day like my grandma used to do me you gonna wear shiny patent leathers to church and boy or girl I’m braiding your hair and putting beads with Africa’s colors on the end because I’m gonna raise you to think you a king or queen so no matter what happen to me you don’t never let nobody come along and steal your light and pride. So let’s just pretend it’s happening all over again. Let’s just pretend me and you start fresh, again, brand-new, today, and we all a real family. You can rest easy now, baby … I ain’t getting rid of you.

WHEN IT WAS all over and we were both sweaty and satisfied, I wondered if he was going to say “I love you.” I lay on my stomach while he lay on his back, our shoulders lightly pressed together and our breathing in harmony. I waited to hear him say it, because I wanted to but I wouldn’t do it first. He fell asleep.