And I told her Jewel don’t nothing make me feel good no more I just want to go to work come home. I be so tired. I get tired of sittin on that bus all the time. My behind and back hurt in that seat and my legs get stiff but when I stop just to smoke or take a look outside or strech or talk to somebody folks get mad wanna know when the bus gone move. So I just get back on. Sometime somebody talk to me but is hard to talk and consintrate at the same time so most of time I just listen and I can’t member what we talked about when they get off. I look at the same streets all day long so I just get sleepy cause it ain’t nothing new but I gotta stay up cause I can’t crash no bus with all them people on it. She told me that mean my mind got to get some exersize but I don’t know how to exersize my mind. I ain’t never been smart like Jewel. I couldn’t never figure stuff out like her. And I ain’t never been pretty like her. Seem like I used to think I was. I used to feel good when you was little. When I left mama house and went on my own. Cause when I met your daddy that’s what he wanted us to be was on our own. You know I met him on the bus so sometimes when I’m on the bus I see the little kids with they own boyfriends so I think about us. When I met your daddy he had on some overalls and he had this red bandana on his head and I had on a scarf to so he strike up a convasashun with me when he told me we match. We match. We match so good we make you. And when you was born that’s when Stevie Wonder used to have his song called isn’t she lovely playin on the radio all the time. So that’s what your daddy used to sing about you but he ain’t never sing it about me. So that’s kind of when I stop lovin you just a little bit. Not a lot. And not no more. Just a little love lost then cause I wanted your daddy to sing about me sometimes. I couldn’t wear no makeup on my scar cause its too deep. All the makeup just sink right in like quick sand. I started to think it might fall out like sand and I ain’t never wanna get my shirt dirty. Spechully when I really want to wear makeup is when I got on something nice, when I get dress up. So I just let it be and I forgot all about it. You don’t know I been through terribul things cause when I fell out that ride I thought I was gonna die. Everybody thought I was gonna die. I fooled them. I always been mad at Jewel cause she was in there with me. Right next to me she was. We was in the same one and she was even littler than I was so I don’t understand why I slip out and she didn’t. I just leaned down just a little bit to wave at everybody and try and smile for a picture and then I was just falling. I reached out but wasn’t nothing to grab on. It all happened so quick. I was in there one minute. I was gone the next. I couldn’t see nothing cause it was all white. It was cold to. And I reached out and I just thought I was falling and somebody gonna catch me cause thas what sposed to happen when a child fall. But ain’t nobody catch me and I hit the ground so hard. I can’t never forget that when I hit that ground. I have bad dreams bout that hit. It was like somebody threw my head against the sidewalk like it was a basketball. And I couldn’t see nothing in this world no more but I didn’t know I wasn’t dead. So they say I was lucky we was turned around on the ride. I was lucky we was coming down and not going up. So Ma and daddy was happy I wasn’t dead but then thas when everybody start saying I was slow. Folks start whispring about me like I couldnt hear. Sometimes they got quiet when I walk in a room but everybody smile when Jew Jew walk in. So all I could do was be mad at her all the time. I know I ain’t stupid. When I was little I did everything everybody else did so how can all of a suddin I be stupid just cause I hit my head hard one time? And I know you might think I stupid but Im not stupid. Cause I passed my driver test and I been at my job way longer than some of those other folks get fired cause they can’t do it right. But folks think just cause you ain’t got no good job or no school after high school that mean you ain’t smart. So Jewel right you got to go to college Shivana otherwize folks gone look down on you. I know you miss your daddy and I don’t know where he at. I talked to Till and she say he doin alright. She say he in California. You got some other brothers and sisters. She say soon as he get back to Chicago she gonna make him come see you. But that been a long time ago now. That been years and ain’t nobody still seen him so maybe he ain’t gonna come back. But you got to forget about that girl. You got to get over that cause I had to get over it for you if not for me. But don’t you leave me and not come back. That ain’t right. Women ain’t sposed to leave and if they do they always come back. Like Jewel. I just want you to come back home soon as posibul. I’m not mad no more. Love, Mommy