“Of course I remember. I’m about to be their stepmother. But I won’t tell you what to do with them so you don’t tell me what to do with this one.”

“I will tell you!” he shouted to her, and she cowered in front of him. He was much taller than he could have ever looked in his pictures, with a voice to match his stature. “And I want you to tell me when I’m wrong. Hitting the chile will not get to de bottom of what is going on.”

“What is going on, Shivana?” Ma suddenly asked, coming alive for the first time in what seemed like hours. “You got Renelle coming down here ready to fight me, sayin’ you been sleepin’ with her husband and now you pregnant? Shivana, please tell me you wouldn’t do nothin’ like that. I raised you better than that. I know I ain’t been the best, but I raised you better than that… you know better than that.”

She started crying again, and this time Jewel reached for the bottle of rum previously guarded by Hakim. She poured three shots, and finished one first before pouring a fourth.

“Shivana, you have to tell us the truth. Is this true? Are you pregnant? Were you sleeping with Leroy?”

I couldn’t answer, I could only look away and let the tears stream. I was gonna be hard, I wasn’t going to break. I was going to go back down to Rasul’s apartment, get my money, rob another cabdriver, maybe start turning tricks, and go somewhere to be on my own. Alone, with no baby holding me back. No dirty, ashy kids that made the men want to leave me. No other mouth to feed but mine. I wasn’t going to be one of the chicks at school arguing with the baby daddies against the lockers, or one of the women at the clinics and grocery stores managing a bunch of bebe’s kids alone. I wasn’t going to be a lonely heart sitting at the bar of the dark lounges I peeked into, wondering where he run off and when he gonna return. And I felt perfectly justified in my decision; years and years of overhearing Ma and her friends talk about the sorry Black man had confirmed my decision. I was going to be by myself with no kids—forever young, pretty, and free.

“Now she get quiet,” Ma said, smirking and lighting another cigarette. “See, this what I’m talkin’ about. I’m tired. Just tired. I can’t do no more … I done my job. I’ll be glad when she’s on her own. I can’t do no more.”