I knew the hard arm of the couch was inching closer, so I shut my eyes and braced for the thump. I put my tongue deeper and deeper into his throat, imagined I was finally taking some control. A throb of pleasure took over in my silky softness, and I melted. When Leroy hurt me, I liked it just a little. There were seconds here and there when I would actually move with him. I’d dig my little hands with their bitten-down green glitter fingernails into his back, make a two-inch radius circle with my hips to give myself a quick flash of something warm, electric, and confusing. I imagined the man on top of me was instead a boy at school who would never look my way. My instinct was to be embarrassed, but before I could blush from shame, a feeling I had never ever felt before spread out from my middle like waves. I felt red all over from something else. My tiny moans became sharp cries. I didn’t worry I would wake up the two kids sleeping down the hall because I had forgotten them. I fell deeper in love with each cry, with each and every one of his charges toward my immature womb.

And just when Leroy had lifted himself up with his arms and started to brush his wiry hairs against my tiny spot just right, he released me. It was over. Renelle got off work at 11:00, and I saw the time on the VCR clock was 10:45. Leroy knew we would need time to get our breath back to normal, for the sex to dry from our complexions.

“Did you like it?” he asked me that time, just like every other time we finished.

“Uh-huh,” I said.

He stayed on top of me, unlike every other time we finished.

“You gonna make me fall in love with you, girl,” he said.

I halfway smiled.

“Bet you think I can’t fall in love with you, huh?” he asked.

“I don’t know …” I hunched up my shoulders. “What about Renelle?”

“Renelle,” Leroy whispered, pressing himself deeper into me. “Yeah, Renelle.”

His eyes went to a faraway place.

“Sometimes, you know, two people ain’t got nothin’ in common no more,” he answered. “When the love is gone, well… I don’t know. I love her, but I ain’t wanna get married. She did.”

I said nothing. I was stiff. This was strange; he never talked to me like this after.

He just kept talking in a slurry mumble that made me think he was going to fall asleep on top of me. That couldn’t happen. Leroy was heavy, and I was scared to get caught.