“I don’t know what I want. That’s the problem.” I sigh. “When I’m around him, my insides are twisted up, and I can’t help myself. But when we’re apart …”

“You second guess yourself and think you’re not good enough.”

If it was anyone else, I’d slap her, but Pania’s right. Maybe I left him, but he left me behind a long time ago. We didn’t get the chance to grow together, and we’re in such different places in our lives.

I nod.

“Delaney, you loved him so much. And you hurt each other, even if it was unintentional. All this time, I’ve hated him on your behalf, but he really does seem to be making a big effort. And you look different when you’re around him.”

“Look different? How?”

She pauses as if thinking for a moment. “Remember when we were in the last year of high school, and you started seeing Greg Cook?”

I grimace. “Of course I do. What’s that got to do with anything?”

“You were so happy, and everyone hated you for scoring the captain of the first-fifteen. And then you had sex in the back of his car and it was terrible and you broke up with him.”

I blow out a breath. “Pania, I’m real happy to take this trip down Memory Lane with you, but again, what’s that got to do with this?”

“Well, when he told everyone that he wasn’t your first, and that you were sleeping around—everyone believed him and you were devastated.” She pauses. “That was nothing compared to when you came back from America. And even after Melly was born and we opened the diner, there was always such a sadness about you. I saw it because I knew what you were like before all of it. I’m not sure anyone else did.”

I nod. No one knows me better than Pania. She’s the keeper of my secrets, and the one person I trust with everything.

“You were always a smart arse, but once you and Josh happened, you became so hard and defensive. And I know you had to.” She holds up her palms. “Don’t get me wrong; I love feisty Delaney who takes no shit. But sometimes it’s like something is missing.”

I pick at my fingers. “For a long time, cutting Josh out of my life felt like I’d lost a limb. We weren’t together long, but he was it for me. I always thought I’d grow out of it.”

“Want to know what I think?” She’s got that look in her eye that tells me I’m going to hear it no matter what.

“Do I have a choice?”