Pania gapes as I walk toward her pew and sit next to her. The service is about to start, and people are sitting quietly waiting.

“What are you doing here?” she whispers. “I was always sure you’d burst into flames if you stepped into a church.”

“I’m not a churchgoer, but that hardly makes me the antichrist.” I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just looking for some guidance.”

She laughs, and at least a dozen heads whip ’round to give us dirty looks.

“Are you okay?”

I let out a sigh. “Josh showed up yesterday. He knows.”

“Oh my God. What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? He wants to spend time with her.”

Pania nods. “I guess that’s natural.”

“He wants to spend time with me too.”

She squeezes my forearm so hard that I cry out. Those same people who gave us dirty looks before do it again. I give up.

The minister steps up to the lectern.

His eyes go straight to me, and I take a seat before I’m chastened. Not that he would. Would he? I mean, I know he usually comes in on the days we have seafood chowder, and that hip flask in his pocket he uses as a little additive doesn’t contain holy water.

The smile on his face is so awkward, and I guess it’s because I’ve never come into his territory before. I give him a polite smile in return and he seems to straighten up.

“Good morning,” he says.

That’s the point where I tune out.

Now I’ve spoken to Pania about it, all I can think about is Josh’s request. I can understand him wanting to spend time with Amelia. But me? I made a big mistake not confronting him that day.

With the arguments my parents had before my dad left echoing in my ears, I ran rather than confront him. And I’ve been running ever since. Maybe we settled in Glenderry, but it was partly because it was quiet and so far away from everything and everyone.

I never thought Josh would find me.

Love is patient. Love is kind …

I look up at the broad wooden beams that make up the church roof and sigh. I’ve even managed to pick a week where all I feel is guilt from the text the minister’s reading. I don’t know what for. It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong.

Melly’s never had her father in her life all because I mistook that phone call for the real thing. Josh is right—it’s not my fault, but knowing that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Pania nudges my elbow. “Want to go out for a drink after this? Seeing as you don’t have to rush home?”

I stare at her. “It’s not even eleven in the morning.”