“Hmm … I was thinking maybe your face, as a back piece. If I bend at the right angle, you can kiss my ass whenever I want,” I say sweetly.

“Ha ha. Then what’s really at the Ink Spot?”

“They have a piercing chair, too. I was thinking maybe a cute little stud, right here.” I tap the outside of my right nostril. “What do you think?”

He tips his head. “I think … that’d look cool, actually. All right, come on.”

We head down to the Ink Spot, trading ludicrous tattoo ideas as we go, and are greeted by a cute girl with pigtails the color of blue raspberry cotton candy and a double lip piercing that clearly captures Salem’s attention. I can’t help wondering if he’s lusting after the piercing or the mouth it’s attached to. She’s definitely what I would’ve picked out as his type, and for the millionth time since my discovery on Friday night, I wonder how the hell he can be with Jenna London, of all people.

Unfortunately, Pigtails’s coolness extends only so far as her own appearance; as soon as we tell her why we’re here, she taps the sign next to her that says MINORS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY A PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN.

“Oh, uhh, this is my dad?” I offer, indicating Salem.

“She’ll be sent straight to her room after this,” Salem confirms.

“Orrr I’m eighteen? Should I have gone with that?”

“Probably,” Pigtails says with a shrug, “but only if you’ve got a good fake. We do check IDs.”

“I do,” Salem says, pulling out his wallet, but Pigtails stops him.

“You’re a little late,” she says, but at least she sounds a little sympathetic. “Come back at three when we change shifts. You have perfect eyebrows for a barbell.”

“No one tells me I have perfect eyebrows for anything,” I grumble as we walk away, the depleted bag of candy swinging between us.

“You have perfect eyebrows for scrunching up when you’re pissed at me.”

“That helps, thank you.” We walk until we reach the central atrium, and I look over the banister at the shoppers below. As I watch them film each other on escalators and holding up hauls, I think about how today has been an incredible bust on my part … and then finally, I think of something even I can’t screw up.

“I’m going shopping,” I tell Salem.

“Yes, I did notice we are at the mall.”