“You don’t like it?”

We stop in front of my chem class. “I’d say ‘never change,’ but I wouldn’t mean it.”

“Right back atcha.”

Salem starts to continue on, then seems to realize I’m not entering the classroom. “Isn’t this where you have chem?”

“Yeah, I just.” I shudder. “Ugh. My original roomie is in this class, so it’s where the guys are the most annoying. There’s always someone—usually Duncan Barnett—with a Rumson Girl joke the second I walk in, and I need a minute to brace myself so I don’t scratch his eyes out.”

“You’re shitting me.” Salem narrows his eyes, then seems to come to the conclusion I am not, in fact, shitting him. “Come on. I’ll walk you in. He won’t fuck with me.”

“Much as I appreciate the chivalry, I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna stop unless I stop it for myself. I just haven’t figured out how to do that quite yet.” I tip my head to the side, looking up at Salem. “Any ideas, my bad-boy guru?”

“One idea is that you never, ever call me that again.”

“Turns you on, doesn’t it?”

“On second thought, I’m just gonna leave you to the wolves,” says Salem, turning to go.

“No, come on.” I grab Salem by the back of his shirt. “We have a deal.”

He sighs, but relents. “Make him uncomfortable. Guys like him can’t stand it. If you just stay quiet or roll your eyes or whatever you’re doing now, he’s gonna keep doing it. So make him sorry he ever tried. I believe in you, Skeevy. You make me sorry I ever tried every single day.”

Just then, the bell rings, and Salem swears and twists out of my grip to head to class, while I turn in to mine.

“Rumson Girl!” Duncan says right on cue. As one of Archie’s best friends, he’s consistently the most annoying about it, and definitely the guy behind the rumor that I specifically manipulated my way into rooming with the heir to Buchanan Imports. “Is it true you make everyone in the dorm sandwiches every day? Or am I misunderstanding what I’ve heard about you and Rumson sandwiches…”

Uncomfortable. I can definitely do uncomfortable. And I can do it with a big smile on my face, too.

“First of all, if this is you asking for a three-way with me and Hoffman, I’ve already told you a hundred times, absolutely not. If this is you asking for another three-way with me and Archiekins, I already told you, that was a onetime thing. But if you’re just looking for tips, my professional opinion is that you’re beyond help, and no surgeon in the world is going to be able to fix that”—I glance pointedly at his special place—“particular issue.”