Sabina laughed at her own words. Djuna thought she was drinking too much and looked at her.

"What made you laugh, Sabina?"

"Meet the lie detector, Djuna. He may arrest me."

"Oh, Sabina. You've never done anything to be arrested for!"

Djuna gazed at Sabina's face. The intentness of it, the feverishness she had always seen on it was no longer that of burning aliveness. There was a tightness to the features, and fear in the eyes.

"I have to talk to you, Djuna... I can't sleep..."

"I tried to find you when I came from Paris. You change your address so often, and even your name."

"You know I've always wanted to break the molds which life forms around one if one lets them."

"Why?"

"I want to trespass boundaries, erase all identifications, anything which fixes one permanently into one mold, one place, without hope of change."

"This is the opposite of what everyone usually wants, isn't it?"

"Yes, I used to say that I had housing problems: mine was that I didn't want a house. I wanted a boat, a trailer, anything that moved freely. I feel safest of all when no one knows where I am, when for instance, I'm in a hotel room where even the number is scratched off the door."

"But safe from what?"

"I don't know what I'm saving from detection, except perhaps that I'm guilty of several loves, of many loves instead of one."

"That's no crime. Merely a case of divided loves!"

"But the lies, the lies I have to tell... You know, just as some criminals tell you: 'I never found a way to get what I wanted except by robbery,' I often feel like saying: 'I have never found a way to get what I wanted except by lies.'"

"Are you ashamed of it?"

Sabina grew frightened again. "There comes a moment with each man, in each relationship, when I feel lonely."

"Because of the lies?"

"But if I told the truth I would be not only lonely but also alone, and I would cause each one great harm. How can I tell Alan that for me he is like a father."

"That's why you deserted him over and over again as one must desert the parent, it's a law of maturity."

"You seem to exonerate me."

"I'm only exonerating you in relationship to Alan, toward whom you acted like a child."

"He is the only one I trust, the only one whose love is infinite, tireless, all-forgiving."