Ben listened to her as if hearing her voice for the first time. They’d never said these things to one another. Even in the early days of their marriage they had kept their conversations away from dangerous territory. He saw now that it was deliberate, their way of avoiding the weaknesses that had existed in the fabric of their relationship from the very beginning. Did I know even then? he wondered. Did she suspect?

He wanted to ask her, but he wasn’t ready. He’d only just allowed himself to accept that he might be—was—attracted to men. A man, he corrected himself. Hudson. Asking Carol to comment on what she might or might not have thought about him was too much.

“None of it was your fault,” he said finally.

“What’s anyone’s fault?” said Carol. “Things happen.”

“I don’t think Caddie likes me very much,” Ben told her.

Carol laughed. “Well, that’s something you and I have in common then. She doesn’t like me either.”

“At least you’ve been there for her,” Ben reminded her.

“Stop looking for things to blame yourself for,” said Carol. “You didn’t join a twelve-step program, did you?” she asked suspiciously.

“I’ve just been thinking,” said Ben. “I made a lot of mistakes.”

“No more than any other parent,” Carol assured him. “As for Caddie hating you, she doesn’t hate you. Or me. She hates what she thinks we are. One of these days she’ll realize we aren’t the monsters she’s made us into in her mind.”

“Did you know she’s having sex?” Ben asked her.

“I figured she was,” said Carol.

“Why am I the only one surprised by this?” Ben said.

“Because you’re her father,” said Carol. “Fathers always take it the hardest.”

“That’s what Hudson said,” Ben said.

“Who’s Hudson?” asked Carol.

Ben hesitated. It took him a moment to remember that, whatever he was doing, he wasn’t cheating on Carol. Still, he heard himself stammer, “Hudson? Oh, he’s just a ... friend.”

“He must have a daughter of his own if he said that,” Carol remarked, apparently unaware of the panic gripping her former husband. “Anyway, he’s right. And it’s not like you can lock her up until she’s eighteen. What’s he like?”

“What?” Ben said, confused. He thought at first she was asking about Hudson.

“I assume she’s sleeping with a particular boy, otherwise this topic wouldn’t have come up,” said Carol.

“Yes,” Ben said. “He seems nice enough.” He was sorry he’d mentioned anything to Carol. Her cavalier attitude to the whole thing made him feel like he was the one with a problem.

“Well, let me talk to her,” Carol said. “I’ll make sure she’s taking precautions.”