“I can’t imagine what he must have been feeling,” Ben said quietly.

Hudson looked at him. “Can’t you?” he asked. Everything he’d said had led to this point. Now, as he saw Ben considering the question, he felt his heart begin to pound.

Ben shook his head slowly. “I can’t, Hudson,” he said.

“Can’t understand?” said Hudson.

“I just can’t,” Ben repeated. “I’m not ...”

“Not what?”

“Caddie,” Ben said. “She doesn’t ... She’s just angry with me.”

“This isn’t about Caddie,” Hudson said gently. “This is about you.”

“I know she thinks that we’re ...” Ben began.

“It’s not about us either, Ben,” said Hudson. “It’s about you and who you are.”

Ben wouldn’t look at him. His head was bowed, and he continued to shake it from side to side. When he did finally look up at Hudson, it was with an expression of deep despair. “I don’t know who I am,” he said.

Hudson crossed the floor to him, stopping in front of Ben and putting his hands on his shoulders. “Look at me,” he said.

Ben turned his face to Hudson. His eyes held enormous pain.

“You do know who you are,” Hudson said slowly. “And whoever you are—whoever you turn out to be—you’re a good man.”

Neither spoke for a long time. Ben’s mouth trembled, and Hudson felt his whole body shaking, like the first stirrings of a coming earthquake. He pulled Ben to him and held him as it broke. For a moment Ben seemed about to slump to the floor, but then he steadied himself, and Hudson felt the tentative touch of his hands as Ben embraced him.

“It’s all right,” he whispered. “It’s all right.”

Ben wasn’t crying, although his chest heaved raggedly. It was as if he was trying to speak but couldn’t form the words. Instead, what he was feeling translated itself into physical form. Hudson held him tightly, absorbing the torrent of feeling, growing dizzy from the force and power of it.

Ben lifted his head from Hudson’s shoulder. The pain in his eyes had faded, and now it was replaced with questions. Hudson answered them by placing his mouth on Ben’s and kissing him. Ben, shaking, kissed him back, inexpertly and beautifully.

Without a word, Hudson took him by the hand and led him up the stairs. In the bedroom, he faced Ben and reached for the top button of his shirt. He realized as he unhooked it that the shirt was the same one Ben had been wearing the night in the locker room. Only this time, Hudson was taking it off of him.