Red creeps up his neck. I shift in my seat, suddenly hyperaware of the pressure building in my jeans. The blush on his face, his nervous energy, the way he’s looking at me all curious and waiting—it's doing things to me I wasn’t prepared for. It sent me straight back to the confusing feelings I’d buried in high school…the ones I’d convinced myself were all in my head.

"We… only a few times in college. Not often." He sips his juice. I track the movement of his throat as he swallows. Bite the inside of my cheek.

"So let me get this straight—you’ve only slept with her a handful of times over four years, and now you’ve flown across the world to declare your love?"

He rolls his eyes but nods.

"Have you been with anyone else in all that time?"

His mouth opens. Then closes.

Damn.

"Holy fuck!" I exclaim, leaning back. People glance over. Nathaniel ducks, hissing,

"Can you not?"

"Nathaniel, how—why—have you cut yourself off from life like this?" I push my sunglasses to the top of my head, dragging my hair back. I catch him watching the movement, eyes lingering.

I think he’s a fan of my hair. I’m not sure why but I feel like I should note that.

"I don’t know. I just... really like her."

"Nathaniel—"

"Stop calling me that—"

"—have you ever wanted to be with someone else? Another woman? Anyone?"

"No—" His answer is immediate. Too fast. "I mean… I haven’t thought about it. I’ve always had Sarah. She’s enough."

I look at him. Really look at him. He’s tense. Quiet. Holding back. Like he doesn’t even realize what he’s denying himself. How does he know when he’s never even tried?

And the thing is, Nathaniel is hot. Like, seriously hot. Tall, broad shoulders, that square jaw, those green eyes. He’s a walking heartthrob and doesn’t even know it. People stare when he enters a room, for godsake. I’ve always seen it. He’s too modest to notice. It’s kind of his charm. But also? A waste.

"I’ve got an idea," I say suddenly.

He groans. "I don’t like the sound of that."

"How about we explore the city today? We’re waiting for her updates anyway. Let’s stop by a few events, soak it in, have a good fucking day." I shrug.

"What makes you think I want to have fun with you?" He’s smiling now, despite himself.

I wave the waitress over and signal for the bill. One check.

"Because I’m a fun fucking time." I wink. "Trust me."

12

nathan

I don't know what Caleb is up to, but he’s definitely up to something.

This morning’s breakfast was awkward as hell. Sitting across from him, I could feel the judgment practically radiating off him—just like it does from Sarah. It doesn’t feel great knowing they both see my sex life, or lack thereof, as some sort of tragic character flaw.

Is it really that bad that I’ve only ever been with one person? Okay… maybe I had thought my sex life in college would’ve been a little different…and after college…but still—so what?