But not now. Not after today. Not after two reminders—two flat out signs shoved in my face—that maybe I’ve been letting people linger in my life long after their expiration date.

The truth is, it’s easier than I thought to walk away right now when all that’s been replaying is the memory of him and what he did to warp whatever Sarah and I kind of sort of meant to each other.

He’s always been there. In every moment I’ve spent trying to prove I’m good enough. In every friendship I’ve held too tightly. In every time I’ve told myself this is fine, even when I knew deep down it wasn’t.

He’s the voice in my head that tells me I’ll never be more than second best.

The fucking shadow I never asked for.

Fuck you, Caleb.

7

caleb

I’m stalking her profile again. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.

She’s been posting non-stop since we broke up. Instagram, Snapchat, even fucking TikTok. It’s torture. Bikini pics. Hikes. Smiling with her hair all windblown and perfect. Lattes. More smiling. Sure, she posted like this before we ended, but it hits different now.

Is she with someone else? Why does she get to look so damn happy, while I’m sitting here feeling like a shell of a person?

Alone. Like, capital-A Alone.

“I’m telling you, bro. Just get with someone else. Fuck her out of your system. It’s the oldest trick in the book,” Tony says, completely unfazed, lounging on the other end of our L-couch.

I groan and chuck a pillow at his head. It hits him square in the face.

“I don’t want someone else, you dickwad. I want her.”

Tony shrugs. “Since when don’t you want sex? You get real cranky when you're in a drought. When was the last time you even got laid?”

I bury my face into the pillow like I’m trying to smother the thought. He’s not wrong. It’s been a while. Like, a long while. Days are stretching, my brain is foggy, and I swear I’m becoming some tragic version of myself. A husk. A ghost. The other day, I swear I was walking funny.

“But thinking about anyone else just makes me want to throw up,” I say into the cushion. “I only want her, dude. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

Tony throws his hands up. “Then maybe you should’ve just proposed to her, like your dad’s been nagging you to do. If that’s what she wanted, and you knew it, then yeah, kinda sounds like you blew it.”

Record scratch noise.

Wait.

I sit up straight, blinking at him. “You…actually may be on to something.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “I am?”

“Yeah! Why don’t I just ask her to marry me?" A different kind of commitment, she had said. I’m so silly, why didn’t I think of this before? I stand, the idea catching fire in my brain. “I feel like shit without her. And marriage? Marriage could be kinda cool, right?”