Name of Jimmy, who said, ‘Gimme,’

So without ’em she went home,

But she nipped back down to nick ’em

For a knees-up in High Wycombe,

For an evening quite near Chevening

And a dawn at Kilmacolm.

They were in ’er for a dinner

Which was excellent, in Pinner,

And another one, a cracker,

In Majacca – that’s in Spain –

Then she popped ’em on in Haddenham

And didn’t feel too bad in ’em:

She felt in ’em, in Cheltenham,

Just as right as rain.

They looked smart on in Dumbarton,

They looked wizard on the Lizard,

They looked corking down in Dorking

And incredible in Crewe.

When she wore ’em into Rugely

They impressed the people hugely,

While in Fordham folk adored ’em,

And they loved ’em in West Looe!

The citizens of Kettering

Had never seen a better ring,

In fact no better pair of ’em –

‘Take care of ’em!’ they cried.

Then she slithered into Lytham with ’em,

Shaking out a rhythm with ’em,

Wobb-er-ling and jogg-er-ling

Her head from side to side.

Folk in Preston thought the best ’un

Was the right ’un. In New Brighton

And in Sefton, though, the left ’un

Was the one they favoured more,

While in Greenham, when they’d seen ’em,

They said, ‘How to choose between ’em?

What one praises in its brother,

In the other one is for!’

Then she tried ’em with new make-up

On a sponsored run round Bacup,

And at Norwich for a porridge-

Eating contest which she won,

But, spilling ’em in Gillingham,

Her lobes felt light in Willingham,

And nothing else is filling ’em,

So now

The poem’s

Done!

Mr Angelo

Mr Angelo’s dead and gone,

And the worrying thought

Has entered my head:

How will the poor old man get on,

Him not speaking

A word of Dead?

Drinking Song

For weeks and weeks it wouldn’t rain.

My tree was growing rusty,

Leaves plugged with dust. Then suddenly

The rain came flooding like the sea.

The leaves went on a drinking spree.

I said, How are you doing, tree?

My tree said, Not so dusty!

Zoob

I

am

ZOOB.

You can’t fit me

in a triangle, a circle

or a cube.

I’m the empty seat beside you

on the 31 bus

or the Tube.

If you think you can describe me,

let me tell you that

you’re making a

BOOB.

I can see round corners,

I can look in your eyes.

You can’t see me,

but I’m wondrous wise.

I’m ZOOB.

That’s whoob.

I’m what the wind means

when it moans,

‘Zoob… Zoob.’

I’m what the sky says

when it groans,

‘Zoob… Zoob.’

I’m as near as you are,

I’m as far as the sun,

I’m everything

And I am one:

I’m youb…

Zoob…

ZOOB…

ZOOB…

Fast Food

Dorothy Hogg had a hot-dog stand:

Hottest dogs in all the land.