“The good news is that you know that voice is a lie. You know who you are and you know you’re not any of those things the world says about you. You’re not sick, you’re not immoral and you’re not a criminal. You know it about yourself and you know it about other gay people. That’s our truth and the truth will prevail but it won’t happen by itself. It’s up to us to shout down the lie with our truth and it’s going to take all of us, an army of us. But first, you have to confront the lie in yourself, see it for what it is, and reject it whenever it rears its ugly head. You can’t do that if you’re drunk.”

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like without this struggle?”

He laughed. “Everyone has a struggle. This just happens to be ours.”

“You know what I mean,” I said. “To walk the street without having to look over your shoulder. To not have to calculate, every time you meet someone, whether to come out. To love freely.”

“You’ll have all that when you decide to give it to yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Being comfortable in your own skin happens when you really and truly accept who you are. When you love yourself.”

“Ugh, I hate that new age bullshit.”

“Okay, let’s try it this way. Think of someone you really love. Think of all the good things in life you want for that person. Think of how you accept that person’s flaws. Think of the happiness that the mere fact of that person’s existence brings you. Think of how grateful you are to have that person in your life. Got all that in your head?”

Of course, I was thinking of him. “Yes.”

“Then imagine that person is you.”

My startled “Oh!” drew a laugh from him.

“I see we still have a lot of work to do,” he said. “Goodnight, kiddo, call me in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Larry. Thank you.”

“I love you, Henry.”

The rain obscured my view of the Trejo residence but my more immediate problem was that I really needed to take a leak. I’d been sitting there for over an hour. I cast a grim glance at the oversized, now empty coffee cup in the cup holder and wondered what cops did for toilet breaks when they were on stakeouts. I got out of the car and discreetly pissed into a hedge. A half dozen houses down the block, Nick Trejo finally came out of the front door with his mother in tow. I could almost hear his eyes roll as she gesticulated and talked to his back. I ducked into my car.