He smiled. “That’s true, Henry. You’re not a drunk because your dad beat you up or because your boyfriend was murdered or your career tanked. You’re a drunk because you drink. So, step one, stop drinking. You stopped. Kudos. Now we’re working on how to keep you from picking up the bottle again. That means eliminating every reason that a drink might seem like a good idea to you. Anger and resentment are the big ones. All of us drunks like to drink at the people we hate.”

“But my father,” I said softly.

“I know. He hurt you very deeply. I won’t force you to add his name but think about what I said.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.” I took the pad from him. “I’ve always assumed it was because of his Mexican machismo that my dad treated me the way he did, and that all Mexican men are like him, so I go on red alert when I have to deal with one of them. Even when they’re my clients, I keep a distance. More than the usual professional distance, I mean.” I sighed. “I’m afraid of them, the same way I was afraid of him. Now I have to wonder if that fear affected the way I represented them.”

“I think the more interesting question is why you chose work that you must have known would force you to defend guys who reminded you of your dad.”

“I don’t know the answer to that.”

“I do,” he said. “It was your way of facing that fear, of trying to overcome it. The other side of fear is courage. You’re a brave man.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I do. Alcoholism is a disease of self-perception. We see other people clearly, but we have a blind spot when it comes to ourselves.” He tapped the pad. “This list is about all the things that conceal the truth from you about who you really are. The purpose is to clear them away so you can really see yourself, maybe for the first time in your life. Your strengths as well as your limitations. Right now, all you see are your limitations, your fears, your worries, the mistakes you’ve made in life. You have to figure out and embrace your strengths. The courage, the honesty, the integrity that I see in you.”

“Patting myself on my back for being a good guy seems kind of self-centered.”

“I’m not flattering you. I’m giving you practical advice.”

“Which is?”

“You can’t continue to live in regret and shame and expect to stay sober.”

“I don’t really understand this, Larry.”

“You don’t have to.” He tapped the pad. “Just do the work.”