He really meant that last bit. There was no guile in Adam Chu. He was exactly what he seemed to be: a bluff, friendly, hard-working, straightforward boy. Maybe I was so used to shadows, ambiguity, struggle I couldn’t see what was in front of me anymore. Adam was offering me warmth, companionship, sex—all things that, once he offered them to me, I was keenly aware were absent in my life. That kiss at the door—I wanted more of that but—

“What about AIDS?”

He froze. “Do you have it?’

“No. Well, I haven’t been sick or had any symptoms but any guy who’s had sex with another guy has been exposed to the virus. I could be carrying it.”

“I know. I read the papers. The last guy I had sex with, that was a couple of years ago before people knew and we didn’t use condoms, so maybe I’ve been exposed too. There’s nothing we can do now except protect ourselves.”

“Did you tell Candace?”

“Yeah, of course. We used protection.” He shrugged. “I’m sure I don’t have it.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I just am,” he said, with the invulnerable certainty of youth.

“I’m not.”

“Like I said, we can protect ourselves.”

It occurred to me that, unlike my friends and me, Adam had no firsthand experience of the virus and what it did to people. That explained his nonchalance. On the one hand, I wanted to bear down and lecture him on the seriousness of the disease. On the other, it was a relief to be with someone who wasn’t haunted by what was happening in the city. Was I being irresponsible? Should I walk away from him? If I did, should I then avoid all sex until I knew, one way or the other, about my status? Or, by doing that, would I be imprisoning myself in fear? As Adam had said, there were ways we could protect ourselves.

“Hey,” he said. “You okay?”

“I was thinking—”

“Are you one of those guys who thinks too much?”

“Probably.”

He stepped toward me, crowding me, forcing my back to the wall. His Adam’s apple shifted in his thick, strong throat. His lips were full and dark. His gray tee was stretched tight across his heroically broad chest. I could feel the heat coming off his body.

“Stop thinking,” he said, pulled me against him and kissed me.

After a couple of minutes, he broke away long enough to ask, “You wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah,” I said.

Adam lifted himself off me, dug around the twisted sheets until he found the condom, picked it up and went into the bathroom. I heard the toilet flush and then running water. He returned to the room with a damp hand towel he used to wipe our mingled semen off my belly and chest. Smiling, he dabbed my chin.