He lay there, unconscious. The fear and panic and love all poured out of me at once and I screamed. When it was out of me, the racking sobs began and I laid my hand on his chest. His heartbeat was so, so slow. Two paramedics scrambled around him trying to insert an IV line, but they couldn’t find a working vein–Joe’s body was shutting down. They were very tolerant and I tried to hold on to their quiet confidence. They worked around me whilst I held his hand and tried to bring him back to life. His skin was cold and colourless, as if all the blood had been drained from him, but I couldn’t let him go. I focused all my love on him. If I had to go into hell itself, I would carry him out. A glimpse of what my life would be like without him flashed before my eyes. A shudder ran through me. His breathing reminded me of Donna Cook’s. It wasn’t a helpful connection but, unlike her, I knew Joe wanted to live.

I leaned across him and kissed his lips. They were dry and unresponsive. A fat tear splashed onto his cheek but I didn’t wipe it away as I put my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear. The paramedic murmured something, and gently nudged me a few inches to the side so they could have access to another vein. He tapped down on the inside of Joe’s arm as I crouched down, still holding his hand.

‘Joe? Joe, can you hear me?’ What could I say? There were no words that could bring him round, nothing that could reach him. As I bent down, next to him, I felt as if I heard Joe himself breathe into my ear. ‘God, you’re a stubborn cow, Brodie McLennan,’ his voice seemed to lilt. ‘Put me out of my misery–say what I really want to hear.’ I lifted my head, wiped my tears on my sleeve and looked at the body of the man I adored as much now as I had on the day I met him.

‘Joe,’ I laughed through my tears, ‘Joe, will you marry me? Will you get your lazy arse up off that bed and make an honest woman of me–again?’ I asked.

The paramedic at the side of my arm smiled at me. ‘What do you think his answer will be?’ he asked as the IV started running freely. ‘Should I buy a hat?’ he shouted as he carried my man out of the front door.

Chapter Sixty-Four