Weeks passed and I hadn’t seen or spoke to my sister. Instead, I focused on this family and found that I loved being a step-mother. That emptiness I felt the day I left my uncles house meant I had room in me for more, a space to fill in my heart and these kids filled it, effortlessly.

Even when Ella glared at me and left the room, leaving me feeling like a piece of trash.

I watched her leave and my stomach twisted. “What am I doing wrong?”

Tor read the paper at the table and didn’t even bother to look at me when he responded, “It would seem you are repeatedly doing something that she’s taking offence to.”

“Like what?”

“Like breathing.”

My lips pulled down and, this guy with the dad jokes. He looked supremely happy with himself when I picked up an oven mitt and threw it at him. “Oh, haha, wise guy.”

I knew it was going to be hard. Ella was a tough nut to crack. But I vowed it right then.

I would win her over.

* * *

The next morning, I unwittingly made everything worse.

The kids were at the table eating breakfast and I had just finished tidying up the entire kitchen when the boys started to fling food at each other.

Tor was immediately on it. “Boys, if you act like animals, I’m gonna start feeding you from a trough.”

Adrian’s face bunched. “What’s a twof?”

Tor explained, “It’s a big, long, dirty thing that pigs eat out of. You want to eat outside, like a pig?”

Domenic’s face brightened and he jumped in his seat. “Yes!”

“Well, good thing, you’re heading that way,” their dad murmured.

The kitchen was sparkling clean when I decided to stick my foot into my mouth. “Guys, you know where the dishwasher is. Please use it. I swear, if someone puts a single fork into that sink, I will take that tea towel and hang myself with it.”

Ella’s spoon drooped into her bowl with a light splash and a loud clink, and although the boys seemed relatively unaffected, the tense silence coming from Tor and Ella made my insides shrivel. I cautiously asked, “Is everything okay?”

Ella’s chair screeched loudly and she stormed off, leaving her breakfast behind.

I blinked at her retreating form before looking towards my husband. “What did I do?”

I knew it was bad when he said, “Boys, go upstairs.” I watched them leave and then, he patted the seat next to him and uttered softly, “Sit down, baby. Let’s talk.”

When he started to speak, my stomach tensed. Part way through, it clenched. By the end of his story, it downright ached, and my chest right along with it.

My words were feather soft. “She killed herself?”

Tor nodded. “The boys don’t remember but it was Ella who found her.”

My heart dropped in time with my stomach.