When she feels him in her arms now, she feels the edges of a possibility. It’s not the first time she’s thought about it. If it was clear-cut between them, if they were just recent friends, if their past wasn’t so sticky and embedded with complication – then perhaps she’d see things clearer and be prepared to throw the dice on the non-precise nature of what is, or is not, between them.

But she can’t afford for it not to work.

So it mustn’t be tried.

Adam’s phone beeps. He glances at the screen, ignores it.

‘Who’s that?’ asks Becky idly. ‘Svetlana who only eats apple crumble? Beth who windsails in dresses? Or Alberta, who keeps getting blocked by Twitter?’

‘None of them,’ he laughs. ‘I’m off internet dating now.’ He pauses. ‘It’s just Kate.’

‘Oh, right.’

‘Yep.’

‘What’s she saying?’

‘She’s just sending over some times for the cinema tonight.’

‘Oh, great.’

Becky returns to her chair and they sit in silence. She is sure Adam can hear her heart racing, can read her thoughts like ticker tape across her head. She reaches for something, anything.

‘Have your birthday here,’ she says. ‘It’ll be nice. Have your birthday with us and your friends, here. Please.’

Chapter 13

Hounslow

29 March 2004, onwards

In the lightless hours before dawn, Janette goes to use the toilet for the fourth time. She has a kidney infection that she blames squarely on the stress of her daughter’s affliction. She pops her head around Becky’s bedroom door, as she has done since she was a child, to check on her. But she finds the room empty.

She searches the other rooms in the house, looking behind curtains and under beds as if playing an age-old game of hide and seek, expecting to find Becky curled up with tea on a sofa or chair – somewhere. The pregnancy seems to have broken Becky’s usual patterns of sleep. She has been keeping odd hours, up through the night and sleeping the days away.

Janette opens the back door and checks to see if Becky is sitting out there, under the cold spring stars, but the garden is black and empty; nobody comes to the call of her daughter’s name.

Janette calls Adam before she calls the police, because lately Adam is the only friend Becky has allowed to visit her at home. Adam says he’ll go and look for her. She’s probably gone for a walk, is all.