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Chapters (46)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. DEDICATION
  3. FIRST PART
  4. BIRD’S EYE
  5. GORDON
  6. KELLY
  7. BEN
  8. LOU
  9. ALL FILLER NO KILLER
  10. NEXT PART
  11. BIRD’S EYE
  12. THE FIREHOUSE
  13. RONALD
  14. COURT
  15. THE FALL
  16. THIS PART
  17. BIRD’S EYE
  18. CRICKET
  19. HONEST
  20. THE PRODIGAL STEPSON
  21. THE MAN IN THE IRONED SHORTS
  22. THE COUNTRY CLUB
  23. SAFE SPACES
  24. THE SUNSHINE THAT KILLS US
  25. THE FUNDRAISER
  26. THE CLIFF
  27. FIGHT NIGHT
  28. SHAMELESS
  29. ONE FOR THE ROAD
  30. LAST PART
  31. BIRD’S EYE
  32. A MISUNDERSTANDING
  33. THE NEWS
  34. SISTERS
  35. VYVANSE
  36. STRAW MAN
  37. THE RIGHT WAY
  38. THE KICK
  39. BOYS
  40. FOR THE AGES
  41. PERSONAL EFFECTS
  42. SACRIFICE
  43. PERFECT PEACE
  44. PAST ITS BEST
  45. UP NORTH
  46. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘Yep, yep, fine.’ In a strange way, Ben’s dad looked like the one who had been caught in the act.

‘How’s the party?’

‘Noisy,’ Gordon said. ‘I wouldn’t mind hiding down here too.’

Ben was leaning against his desk in an unnatural posture. To do something with his hands, he picked up the expensive Seiko alarm clock his dad had bought at Eastons. It was a yellow box, like the timing boxes used at the finish line of the Olympic Games, but it was a pointless gift. Ben had several alarm clocks. The Seiko model was the type of thing you would buy to impress a twelve-year-old. Ben recognised it as the simulacrum of a gift, not a real thing. Its meaning lay somewhere off to the side. Gifts were symbols of gifts. Life was a dreamlike symbol of life.

Beneath the Seiko clock was Ben’s envelope, with the nine hundred dollars he had saved. He made a decision: he was going to give Dad the money now. He had not come up with a story to explain why he had nine hundred dollars, but the stricken look on Dad’s face showed him that the time was right. Dad needed money, but more than that, he needed good news.

Ben reached for the envelope.

‘Oh, your friends are upstairs.’

‘Wait, what?’ Ben’s hand froze.

‘Your friends. Upstairs.’

‘Friends?’

‘Daniel and some others,’ Gordon said casually, as if Ben had friends who turned up every day. ‘They came up from the beach.’

‘Oh. Okay.’ Ben decided to leave the money till later. He took his hand away and ran it through his hair. ‘Does Daniel look all right?’

‘Miraculously unscathed,’ Gordon said.

‘I know you don’t like me hanging with him.’

‘I just want you to be careful. Whatever you think of Daniel, it might not be your job to bring him out. You’re going to like a lot of other boys in your life.’

‘I don’t like him. I just want to help him.’

‘And I only want to help you to be better than me at fifty. And better than your grandpa at eighty. I don’t think I can achieve any of that. But I do think I can help you to be safer than me at sixteen.’ Gordon opened his arms. Ben stepped forward to be hugged. An enormous crash above their heads ruptured the moment.

As Ben made for the stairs, Gordon said, ‘And, mate? Sorry, when’s your cricket final?’

Ben ventured a smile. ‘You forgot the date, or you didn’t realise I’d be picked in the team?’

‘Both, to be honest.’

‘Sunday.’

There was an outburst of shouting. Ben’s eyes popped.

‘Oh no—is Uncle Carl … Where did you say Daniel was?’

‘Yeah, up there.’