“We’ve both waited long enough,” he rasped, kissing my fingertips. “I’ve got you, Giana. You’re safe with me.”

I almost rolled my eyes at how hard he missed the point.

“I should go.”

But Shawn kept kissing, trying to lower himself down my body before I abruptly shoved his chest until he was off me.

“I have a boyfriend.”

That sobered him, and he sat back on his heels, chest heaving and eyes wild as he tried to calm himself. I could see his erection straining through his sweatpants, but he nodded, running a hand back through his hair before giving me more space.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I… I’m sorry.”

I reached out to touch his hand. “Don’t be. I… I wanted you to kiss me.”

He smiled at that.

“But,” I added quickly. “I’m not yours to kiss.”

It was easier than telling him that once he had kissed me, I hadn’t liked it.

He frowned, but nodded. “I understand.”

A moment of awkward silence passed between us before I stood, swiping my phone off the table and tucking it in the pocket of my hoodie. “I’ll text you,” I promised.

And then before he could say anything else, I left.

I was numb as I walked the few blocks back to my place, unable to even shiver against the cool fog that had settled over the city. Groups of students laughing and going out for the night stumbled past me like I was invisible, and that was exactly how I felt.

How I’d always felt.

It was a pathetic sentiment, one that wasn’t warranted after having a very hot, very desired musician practically throw himself at me. I should have felt honored, should have been reveling in how badly he wanted me, in how he would have taken me if I’d only let him.

But the fact remained that he wasn’t who I wanted to want me.

To Clay, I was just a tool, a ploy in his plot to get Maliyah back. And I couldn’t even be mad at him, because I’d jumped headfirst into his offer to help me get Shawn because Clay wasn’t even on my radar then. Shawn was all I’d wanted, all I’d fantasized about.

How foolish of me to not remember that when Clay was holding me, when he was touching me, kissing me.

I was an absolute idiot, acting like I was the main character in some stupid romance novel instead of remembering that I was just the weird, nerdy girl trying to fake it.

Trying to fake everything.

I faked that I was confident enough to be a public relations associate, faked that I was Clay’s girlfriend, faked that I didn’t feel anything when he undressed me, when his mouth and hands brought me pleasure I’d never known in my life.