It was our secret, but Woody and I still waved if we spotted each other as we closed our curtains. Or opened them. (I just had to hope he never worked out that I opened and closed them multiple times every day to try and increase the chances.)

Surely curtain buddies meant there was hope?

But today there weren’t any lights at his, no signs of life. Guess he must be out. Which meant he might be coming home soon. Which meant there was a chance of accidentally running into him.

I suddenly decided my decorating was done, and that maybe I urgently needed to pop to the shop. I looked in the mirror for the first time today, yanked the tinsel out of my hair, swapped my hoodie that he’d forgotten I had for my jumper with a giant Christmas bow on (the perfect seasonal start to my now-daily festive jumpers), slicked on some lip gloss, covered up the trilogy of chin acne that had popped up to wave hi (thank you, winter, for your dark evenings and lack of natural light) and headed downstairs. A delicious smell wafted up toward me. I used my slipper boots as stair skis and slid downstairs into the kitchen. Yes, I did almost flatten Colin, but he’d rather die than move unnecessarily. Fair enough. Anyway, he was fast asleep, full-on snoring, making contented whimpers. Probably dreaming of the time he ate more than his own body weight in bird.

“Serious question,” I asked. Mum looked around, alarmed. “When is whatever you’re making coming out of the oven? Because be warned—I am going to eat all of it.” I leaned over the kitchen worktop. “ALL. OF. IT!”

Mum pointed to the corner by her radio. “It’s a candle, love, but don’t let me stop you…”

She was grinning, but it wasn’t my fault someone had once decided to get Nay a plate of biscuits that were actually candles. And she didn’t tell me, even as I was biting into the first one.

My phone buzzed. It’s from Fred.

Genuinely not an exaggeration, but Ruby is about to change my life!!! You want in??

Okay. Well, scrap the shop—new plan was witnessing whatever that was. Fred only lived a few minutes away, so I could be there quickly. I dived into the cupboard under the stairs to retrieve my boots from the ever-growing shoe mountain. Weird. Mum had sorted them all into pairs, on racks. In fact…everywhere was tidy. Alarmingly tidy.

Had she tidied for the tree coming in?! Although, was a perfectly organized shoe cupboard really necessary for festive vibes? OMG. I bet this was Colin-human’s influence!