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Back Black Ambrosia Save as PDF
Chapters (46)
  1. CoverImage
  2. Introduction by Grady Hendrix
  3. Acknowledgments
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. About the Author
  46. About the Cover

I looked down at myself, covered completely with a sawdust-­and-­sweat paste, gritty and distasteful. I saw my ribs and my hip bones protruding, and I knew that my health would return, and my apartment would be cleaned, and I would get another job and return to normal. Soon. Very soon.

I leaned against the stove for support. The dawn was breaking and I was becoming faint. I took a long drink of water from the tap, and then, without taking the time or energy to shower, I crawled into my box and brought the lid down. The fit was perfect.

She will see what I have done to keep Her from me, and She will leave me alone.

And I will miss Her.

“I thought I was going insane. God, my flesh crawls whenever I think about it. I began to understand what real evil is. I mean, I saw it. When these things happened, when I punched through and met her on . . . on what is that place, a different plane? Any­way, it was like there were always two Angelinas. One the victim, the essentially good girl, the one that I knew here in Westwater, and then there was the other one, the evil one, the one that lived inside the dark place and pulled the strings to make her dance.

“God, I don’t know. Maybe that other one wasn’t Angelina. Maybe it was something else altogether. I guess I’m just afraid to let my imagination dwell on what it might be. But one thing’s for certain: There were two of them there, and together they were awful.

“I began to get a sense of where she was, though. Every time I broke through, I kind of felt mountains. I knew she was up in the mountains, somewhere. I looked at maps all day long, subscribed to more newspapers. I knew that it wouldn’t be long. She’d make a mistake and I’d have her.

“Then, of course, that big story broke, and I was on my way.”

21

21

One night went by and She didn’t contact me. Then another night, then a whole week. My emotions were so intense they were physical. I ached to see Her again; I wanted with all my being to be with Her, to laugh and watch Her, to feel Her next to me, with me, inside me, around me. I missed Her so much that I felt like hurting myself in order to outdo the pain, I felt like curling up in the corner and rocking back and forth with the ache of it.

Simultaneously, I shivered with the excitement of being free of Her. My teeth chattered and I wore heavy sweaters and bulky socks, even during the warm summer nights, and my arms and legs were always cold. I could hardly believe that I had really done it, that I had beaten that which threatened to destroy my soul.