This was a private matter, and one I was not anxious to share, or even admit. I wasn’t sure who She was or what Her powers or interests in me were, but Her attention was so flattering, so sensual, so particu­lar, that I was quite drawn to Her. Quite attracted. Quite infatuated. I began to let my defenses down, despite my better judgment.

My first glimpse of Her had been at Lewis’s house. Up until this time She rarely let me remember our conversations, much less see Her face. I knew Her only as the ethereal essence that appeared in the depths of my meditations. The One that lives within the music. And now, after Fred, She came after me, She wanted me, She desired me, and I was . . .

I was young. Very young. And the young know no danger.

I found myself acting for Her approval. Eventual­ly, thoughts of becoming well enough for Sarah fled. This was too flattering, too encouraging, too much fun. I searched for the witty thing to say, and discov­ered that I did so for Her entertainment. I knew, somehow, that She was watching me all the time. I knew that anyone who loved me as much as She did would want to be with me all the time. I began to live with Her thought as closely as I lived with the color of my hair.

And I knew what pleased Her.

She was pleased when I made dates with the people who called the answering service in the middle of the night, and when I left the office unmanned to go meet them.

She was the one who told me about the pond, and the old shack where I took them, and then took them, and buried their remains in the snow for spring to find if the hungry small animals did not discover them first.

She directed me to the areas most populated with eligible tourists. She helped me pick out attractive clothes, say clever, attractive things to those people She chose for me—when before I had been a tongue-­tied simp.

And while She was directing me, I took great pride in showing Her that I was learning from Her, that Her teachings were not wasted, that I was intelli­gent and eager to please, and soon my imagination took over and I began inventing creative ways to show off my newly acquired skills at seduction.

I made a cape of dark blue terrycloth, machine washable, to wear under my coat and keep my work neat, and She delighted in this. I said and did outra­geous things, basking in her approval. I carried on lustful conversations with clients, complete with base innuendos, in front of the other morning-­shift girls, much to their shock and Her enthusiasm. I became more outgoing, more enthusiastic.