I shook my head in disapproval; I could do that now. What the hell had happened to my mother to turn her into this strange face on a poster? Well, I suppose catching your husband in a hot tub with a much younger woman will do that to you. Not that I was meant to know any of this, of course. But I’d overheard them arguing late one night when they thought I was asleep. And believe me, I wish I had been asleep, because I know more than any child should know about their parents’ relationship. Like the fact they “hadn’t made love in over a year,” according to my dad. I throw up in my mouth a little every time I think of that. My mother replied that she’d sacrificed everything for this family. She’d once been his business partner, but had given that up to stay home and look after his kids so he could go out and follow his dreams. What about my dreams? she’d said. To which my father had replied that she wasn’t the woman he’d married anymore. She was no longer fun and had lost herself somewhere between school runs, the PTA, bake sales, and worrying about which nonstick pan or washing detergent was best.

I guess that was the thing that caused my mother’s one-eighty. This complete and sudden transformation that now found her staring down at me from posters with that smile plastered across her face, looking like she fit in so well around here. I didn’t get her at all. She painted herself as this perfect mother, and by all outward appearances she probably looked like one, but she wasn’t. And I didn’t even want perfection from her, I just wanted something that wasn’t this. Whatever this was.

I’ve thought back on that time a lot, to when my parents were still together. And I can’t figure out how I hadn’t seen it coming. Surely, I should have known that my father was planning on leaving us? Because he hadn’t left just my mom for her, he’d left me and Zac, too, and if I thought about it like that, it made me want to cry, even after all these years.

I finally arrived at the Lighthouse. That was the name of my brother’s new school. And allow me to make a quick observation related to the naming of these kinds of schools. There always seems to be a trend toward overloading the light thematics: the Lantern Learning Center, Stars Academy, Sunshine Kids. As if they’re trying to disguise the undeniable truth of it all, which is often far from bright and shiny.