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Chapters (67)
  1. Big Boned
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. One Month Later
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. About the Author
  62. Copyright
  63. About the Publisher
  64. Backad 1
  65. Backad 2
  66. Backad 3
  67. Backad 4

I put my phone down. I was confused. Hang on, had I just done that again? My inner insecurities screamed so loudly at me because I may have just turned down an invitation to the summer dance with Jake. Was he even inviting me? I reread our strange message exchange three times to see if I had missed something. But I still wasn’t sure.

I took a deep breath and lowered my fingers to the phone. I could ask him, though, right? As friends, obviously. He could come with Thembi and me. Three friends going to a dance together. Platonic. I typed the message to him slowly, carefully choosing every single word. I read it over and over again, but just as I was about to press Send, I chickened out.

I sighed and lay back down on my bed. Clearly it was going to take more than drawing some shapes on my body and wearing a pretty dress to fix me. My confidence had waned again. I tried to grab it back, but the grains had left my fingers and were slipping away again. Why was this something that was so hard to hold on to? It was so hard to find, and when you had it, you’d think you would clutch onto it as if it was the most precious thing in the world.

48

The week sort of went by in this strange dance flurry. I hardly saw Jake, and when I did, things felt weird. I was worried that the kiss and that conversation had ruined everything between us, whatever that was anyway. Sometimes I thought I imagined all the moments of closeness with him, sometimes I didn’t. But the longer we were apart, the harder it was to tell what was real and what wasn’t, until I was just totally confused by it all.

My mom’s reward was causing all sorts of weirdos to come forward and claim responsibility for the billboard, including one who claimed to be some kind of superhero—Cape Town’s masked avenger. My dad had tried to call me several times but I didn’t want to talk to him. And then suddenly, Friday was upon me and it was dance time. If you’d asked me just over a month ago whether I would actually be going to this thing, I would have said no. But so much had happened in the last month, it felt like I’d lived an entire year in this short time.

“You guys look nice,” Zac said, sticking his head into my room, where Thembi and I were getting ready.

“I know.” Thembi turned and looked at him.

“Are you going to be dancing? Because it’s called a summer dance.”

“Yes,” I replied.

“You must drink lots of water,” he said seriously.

“Don’t worry, I will.”