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Back Before You Were Gone
Chapters (58)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. One
  4. Two
  5. Three
  6. Four
  7. Five
  8. Six
  9. Seven
  10. Eight
  11. Nine
  12. Ten
  13. Eleven
  14. Twelve
  15. Thirteen
  16. Fourteen
  17. Fifteen
  18. Sixteen
  19. Seventeen
  20. Eighteen
  21. Nineteen
  22. Twenty
  23. Twenty-one
  24. Twenty-two
  25. Twenty-three
  26. Twenty-four
  27. Twenty-five
  28. Twenty-six
  29. Twenty-seven
  30. Twenty-eight
  31. Twenty-nine
  32. Thirty
  33. Thirty-one
  34. Thirty-two
  35. Thirty-three
  36. Thirty-four
  37. Thirty-five
  38. Thirty-six
  39. Thirty-seven
  40. Thirty-eight
  41. Thirty-nine
  42. Forty
  43. Forty-one
  44. Forty-two
  45. Forty-three
  46. Forty-four
  47. Forty-five
  48. Forty-six
  49. Forty-seven
  50. Forty-eight
  51. Forty-nine
  52. Fifty
  53. Fifty-one
  54. Acknowledgements
  55. An Eastbourne Murder Mystery
  56. Canelo Crime
  57. About the Author
  58. Also by Sheila Bugler

In truth, she was relieved not to have to listen to it again. Once had been more than enough. So, when Kitty said she was happy to speak to Maeve by herself, Emer told them to call her when they were ready and she got out of there as quickly as she could.

Outside, a milky sun was just visible behind a layer of pale grey clouds. Walking through the grounds, Emer found a gate that led to the open countryside at the back of the hotel. She spent the next hour tramping across the rolling green Sussex hills, giving her mind the time it needed to process everything Kitty had told her.

There were too many gaps, more than she’d realised. She started making a list of all the questions she had, but she couldn’t focus, jumping from one piece of information to another, trying to make sense of the incomprehensible.

It was a lonely feeling, realising the only family you’d ever known weren’t who you thought they were. She could feel the self-pity creeping up on her and it was tempting – so tempting – to give in to it. How easy it would be to blame everyone else for the mess she’d made of her life. Her parents, Kitty, Robert – they’d all deceived her in different ways. But she’d done a pretty good job of deceiving herself, too. Convincing herself that all the problems in her life were because of what had happened to Kitty. Refusing to take any responsibility for her own actions, constantly – tediously – laying the blame elsewhere.

Because of that, she’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to her. Nikki’s absence was a constant ache in her chest. An ache, she realised now, she wouldn’t be able to live with. When this was all over, she was going to do whatever it took to get Nikki back. She could do it. She would do it, because she’d already lost too much. A lot of that had been outside her control, but not this. If she lost Nikki for good, she would only ever have herself to blame.

She’d done a circular walk and could see the hotel ahead of her in the valley below. She wondered how the conversation was going. At one level, Maeve would be relieved to finally know the truth. But what good, Emer wondered, was the truth to her now? Lucy’s disappearance had destroyed Maeve’s family. Her father’s reputation had never recovered from the cloud of suspicion that hung over him. Her family had had to move to a new town and do what they could to start their lives over. Both her parents had died without knowing what had happened to their oldest child.