When I take my hand and mouth away, he looks down at me as I lift to straddle his hips wanting to feel his bare skin against mine. “Is this okay?” I ask, nervous now that he’s watching me. He nods his head, his neck straining and abs bunched tight. He looks like I’m hurting him. “Masen, am I hurting you? I’m sorry,” I say, ashamed, backing away.

With a low growl, he shakes his head and grabs my hips, stilling my retreat. When I feel him beneath me, his head falls back, and he clenches my hips. I rock once, my clit sitting on his ridge making me sigh in relief.

Before I realize what’s happened, he flips us so I’m again on my back with him between my legs. He grinds. I want to ask for more, but I’m not sure how. I’m not sure if he knows I’ve never done this before, I’m sure he can tell I’m inexperienced, but he needs to know he’s my first. “Masen,” I say, looking at his dark handsome face.

“Yeah baby,” he pants.

“I’ve never… this, all this, is new to me. Yesterday was my first, real kiss so I just... em, I just wanted you to know you might have to guide me a little.” I’m sure he can see my face glowing red in the dim morning light.

His body goes rigid as soon as I start talking. He hasn’t moved or uttered a word. As possessive as he is, I thought this would make him happy, maybe I was wrong. I close my eyes and wish he’d say something, anything. When he doesn’t, I silently beg him to move so I could get up. My hands move from him to cover my breast. Oh God, I should have kept my mouth shut. He’s still frozen. I feel a tear leak from the corner of my eye and run down to my ear. Everything hits me at once, all the emotions of finding him, knowing all this time he was with other women kills me. I thought him knowing there was never anyone else for me would make him happy. God knows I would love to know he was only mine. It’s all too much.

Voice as steady as I can make it, “I think I need to get up, please.” He starts to shift back, still silent. I grab the blanket from the bed covering myself and quickly stand. I walk to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. With my back to the door, I slide down, wrapped in the blanket that smells like him. Blinking back tears, I drop the blanket then I stand and go turn on the shower.

Masen must have brought my bags in because my shampoo and condition are in the shower. I wash my body and let the tears of disappointment fall. I can’t even pretend to understand what he’s thinking or feeling. I can’t believe not having experience would bother him. I know I’m probably overreacting, but with everything happening so fast, I haven’t had time to catch up.