CHAPTER 20

Masen

For the past three hours, I’ve watched her sleep. Never once closing my eyes longer than to blink, I haven’t left her side. She’s still curled up and away from me. I haven’t touched her since she whined and rolled away from me. I don’t deserve to.

I knew what she was doing. I knew what happened this morning with Roxanne fueled her need to have me. I know she wanted me. We will always want each other, it’s part of being Mates.

I should have stopped it, should have never let that happen when it wasn’t about just us. If I didn’t stop it, I should have at least let her think she was in control. I can’t believe the way I treated her. Oh God, the way she felt after I used her. Did she feel like that the whole time? Was I just too caught up in myself to realize it was way too much, way too soon? She was a virgin for fuck’s sake days ago, and I fucked her like a man possessed.

What will she think of me when she wakes up? Will she ever trust me again with her body? Part of the reason I haven’t left is I’m afraid, afraid she’ll wake up and run from me because of the monstrous way I treated her. I can’t believe I hurt her physically, her little body bears the bruising of my brutality. The hip I can see has a large purple welt surrounded by many small bruises from my fingers. Her ankle is collared in purple from me holding her leg up. A tiny drop of blood sits on the corner of her mouth from me biting her lip. I don’t want to see the evidence of what I’ve done, but I can’t look away.

Should I call someone? We have a doctor in the pack, quite a few nurses. Why hasn’t she woken up? My mind is running in circles.

Our bond is strengthening. Before she fell asleep, I not only felt her emotions, I could see them. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening, but I could feel her physical pain, her confusion at enjoying what I did to her even when I hurt her. I felt her sadness over what she thinks she lost. She thinks I’ll forever be the beast, that she ruined what she had by pushing me. She blames herself for my inability to control myself. She thinks that’s what I need to be fulfilled. I’ll prove to her how wrong she is.

I saw myself through her eyes, I saw the caring but bossy lover with a dirty mouth she loves to listen to. She thinks she lost him. I also saw the beast that can do things to her body that she doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t feel the love from him, only his need. Even then, she was concerned for me, she didn’t want me to know her heart ached with loss, that her little body throbbed with injuries that I caused.