Chapters (50)
- Title Page
- Copyright Page
- Dedication Page
- Contents
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Ninteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-one
- Twenty-two
- Twenty-three
- Twenty-four
- Twenty-five
- Twenty-six
- Twenty-seven
- Twenty-eight
- Twenty-nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-one
- Thirty-two
- Thirty-three
- Thirty-four
- Thirty-five
- Thirty-six
- Thirty-seven
- Thirty-eight
- Thirty-nine
- Forty
- Forty-one
- Forty-two
- Epilogue
- Letter From the Author
- Acknowledgements
- About the Author
‘When you met Fraser you must have wondered what the hell I’d ever seen in him. I wonder that now too. But he was charming when we were first together, before I realised what he was really like. He comes across as an utter mess now – he sold all our furniture to buy drugs – but he’s clever. When I was with him he basically enacted psychological warfare against me. He targeted every one of my insecurities, completely emotionally abused me, manipulated me, turned me into a mess. That’s the state I was in when I met you. Desperate for a normal relationship, to start again with someone . . . normal. Someone nice. But I was fucked up. I wasn’t ready for another relationship. But I thought that you could heal me.’
I didn’t know what to say to this.
‘It’s like the thing with Kristi,’ she said. ‘Offering her money. It was such a stupid thing for me to do. But when I saw how pretty she was, I kept imagining the two of you together. I was so in love with you, Andrew. I would have done anything . . .’ She laughed harshly. ‘Well, obviously not anything.’
But I knew what she was thinking. How far do you have to travel to go from what Charlie did to what Rachel did?
I knew the answer to that. A long way. A very long way indeed.
‘Anyway,’ Charlie said. ‘I’ve had a lot of time to think, to look at myself, and I know that I have a problem. I know that the way I reacted when you stayed over at Sasha’s, a lot of the other stuff I did, accusing you of fancying other women . . . I know it’s not normal or healthy. You were right when you said I should see a therapist. So I’ve done it – I’m doing it. It was the first thing I did when I got back. And it’s good.’ She stared at the table. ‘I don’t want to be that person, the person who Fraser and Leo fucked up. I’m not going to be that person anymore.’
‘That’s . . . really good to hear.’
‘How’s Tilly?’ Charlie asked, changing the subject. It felt like it had taken a lot for her to say what she’d just said. ‘I’ve been meaning to call her since I got back.’
‘She’s all right. She’s got another personal assistant. A guy called Matt. He’s really hot, apparently.’
‘Why doesn’t that surprise me? She must be in shock, though, after what happened.’
‘I’m still waiting for it to fully hit her. But when it does, I’ll be there for her.’
‘That’s cool. But how are you?’
I fiddled with the bowl of sugar, twisting it round. How could I answer that?