I shake my head. “He wants to talk face-to-face. But I keep…chickening out.”

“Interesting.” She takes off her glasses and rests them against her chin. “So there’s a man in real life that you’re physically attracted to, but you’re holding back emotionally. And there’s another man online that you feel a deep connection with, but you won’t meet him in real life. Why?”

She’s definitely therapizing me now, but I think I’m okay with it?

“Because it’s scary!” I shake my head. “What if I meet RJ in real life and we have zero chemistry and it’s super awkward? I could lose him as a friend.”

“I don’t think that’s what you’re scared of. I think you’re worried that you’d have tons of chemistry in real life—and then you’d have to face the question of what happens next.”

She’s hit the nail on the head, and my eyes fill with tears again. There’s no turning the page and moving on when it’s your own life. No closing the book and choosing a new one. I’d have to face my own feelings, and that’s the scariest thing of all.

“RJ’s coming to IBNE,” I say, wiping my eyes. “He wants to meet up, and I’ve been avoiding it. But maybe I…maybe I should.”

Georgia studies me through the screen. “What would you do if you met RJ and the connection was there—physical, emotional, mental, all of it—and he felt the same way?”

“I think…I would want to go for it with him.” Even though I don’t know where he lives, or if our lives even make sense, I’d want to try.

“And what would happen with Ryan?” Georgia asks.

My stomach knots. The thought of hurting Ryan is physically painful. Not to mention, how could I show up at work every day and ignore the blazing-hot attraction between us? Would I spend the rest of my life thinking about what almost happened?

I wish I didn’t have to choose. I’ve gone thirty years without allowing myself to feel a connection with any man, and now I’ve gone and gotten attached to two. But as much as I don’t want to lose Ryan, my connection with RJ feels deeper. I need to give that a chance.

“I’d have to tell Ryan there’s someone else I’m interested in,” I say finally.

“Okay. And what if you meet RJ and you have zero chemistry?” Georgia asks.

My heart feels like it’s in a vise. I’ve built RJ up so much in my mind, but she’s right; there might be nothing there. Just a wonderful online friendship—which I would still be grateful for.

And if that’s the case?