“And you think it is for me?” This is all such a revelation that I’m having trouble digesting it, his words splintering as I try to grasp them. Falling. So beautiful. Endgame.

“I’m not sure. There are things you don’t—things I can’t—” His jaw clenches, as if he’s trying to decide what to say next. “I get the sense that you’re holding back.”

I scoff, disbelieving. “I wasn’t holding back tonight, Ryan. You were.”

He winces. “I mean emotionally. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I wanted to do you,” I say. “That wasn’t clear?”

He smiles slightly, then shakes his head again. “It’s not enough. Not for me. Not with you.”

And he turns and walks away.

—

Once in my apartment, I immediately text Georgia. SOS.

Within fifteen seconds, she’s video calling me. “What’s up? You okay?” She’s sitting in bed, her glasses on, a pencil tucked behind one ear—probably doing some late-night studying.

Tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks. My face in the corner of the screen is blotchy and red, my hair a frizzy mess. This is exactly why I read books that make me cry—to get all these emotions out so I don’t have to experience them in real life.

Georgia’s forehead wrinkles in concern. “Jojo? What’s going on?”

I take a breath, grateful for my sister and her big, soft heart. Even after our disagreement about our mom—who I still haven’t called, despite Georgia’s urging—she’s here for me unconditionally. “Something happened with Ryan.”

“Tell me everything.”

I do, spilling it all in a messy jumble, and she listens without interjecting any sisterly asides. Maybe that therapy training really is paying off.

“Wow,” she says when I finish.

“Right?” I shake my head, wiping my eyes. “I just—I don’t understand what he wants.”

“It sounds like he cares about you,” she says. Then, more carefully, “It sounds like he’s…maybe in love with you?”

“How? He hardly knows me!” The words burst out. “Six weeks ago, we hated each other, and yeah, we’ve been spending a lot of time together, but not enough to say I’m endgame or whatever the hell that means.”

“So you don’t feel the same way?” Georgia says.

I freeze, running a hand through my hair. How do I feel about Ryan?

“I’m insanely attracted to him. Physically.”

“Do you like him? As a person?”

“Yes.” So much. “He’s kind and funny and thoughtful.”

“But…”

“But I’m confused about tonight! He wanted it as much as I did, and then he’s pulling away and saying he can’t do this?”