Charles    No, no, no – not at all. I do think it’s been rather a shock for all of us. It isn’t every day that you’re going to be a Munchkin in a Hollywood film! Such a beautiful spot as well. (To the others.) Did anyone see that wonderful silver birch tree in the courtyard at the back of the hotel?

Raymond    The fish was exquisite. I recall being in a Broadway production, some time ago – the name escapes me – there was a wonderful fish restaurant with equally exquisite fish. Have you been to New York, Miss Kinsella?

Philomena    We sailed into it but only had time to stay one night before we got put on a train. I’d have liked to have seen more of it. This is what’s known as an ‘Italian Restaurant’, isn’t it?

Bert    They got Italian joints where you come from?

Philomena    Joints?

Bert    Restaurants.

Philomena    Perhaps in Dublin, not in my town, no.

Bert    You’re next door to Italy and you ain’t got one?

Charles    I believe there are Italian Restaurants in London but I haven’t come across one.

Bert    I reckon your King eats Italian food any time he likes, huh?

Charles    Well, I suppose if the King wanted to eat Italian food, he would just set sail to Italy.

Bert    Suppose if you’re a king . . . or even a mayor, you get those privileges, hey, Ray?

Raymond    Are you trying to needle me again, Kowalski?

Bert    I’m just sayin some people get to eat anything they like. (Lets out a loud belch.)

Charles    Really, Bert. There’s a lady present.

Philomena    Oh , I don’t mind. I come from a family of eight. My brothers –

Bert    Don’t get on no high horse here, Charlie, just cos you’re a gardener to the fucken King. (To Philomena and Raymond.) You guys realise we’re in the presence of royalty here?

Philomena    Royalty?

Charles    Well, I did have a gardening position at the Royal Gardens at Kew but I would hardly say . . .

Bert    Hear that, Philomena? If your bush ever needs to get trimmed, Charlie here’s your man.

Philomena    What bush? What do you mean?

Bert    Forget it, honey. (Shouts to floor.) Hey there! (Turns to others.) Let’s get that waiter over here with another bottle o’ wine.

Charles    Keep your voice down! The big people might –

Bert    Big people my ass! You give them too much respect, Charlie!

Charles sheepishly bows his head.

Bert      Show ’em too much respect n’ they walk all over you. Fucken bullies you want my opinion!

Raymond      Keep your voice down, Kowalski.

Charles      Actually, huh, Bert’s got a point . . . the big people I worked with in the gardens could be terrible bullies.

Bert    Yeah, right. Get some of those big cocksuckers in a mob, they start thinkin that you’re put on this Earth for their fucken amusement. Right, Philomena?