Charles    Ah, I’m going to be a Munchkin, I’m going to be a Munchkin just like you and Mr Kowalski, Mr Porter.

Raymond    Quite . . . but how did you find out about the production? I can see you’re not a real actor and do please call me Raymond, Charles.

Charles    I will, thank you, Raymond.

Raymond    Think nothing of it.

Charles    You’re most kind.

Raymond    Quite. Now, as I was saying, I can see you’re not an actor.

Charles    Oh, does it . . . ah, does it show?

Raymond (scrutinising Charles)     It’s not obvious, but then one needs a trained actor’s eye to spot a fellow thesp.

Charles    A trained eye?

Raymond    To spot a fellow thespian.

Charles    So . . . so I’m obviously not an actor in your eye?

Raymond    Quite.

Charles    I didn’t . . . there didn’t seem to be a problem. They asked for – I sent them a photograph and they –

Raymond    No, no, no, forget – just forget about photographs. You’re confusing the map with the terrain. Of course they wouldn’t be able to determine whether you’re a real actor from a photograph.

Charles    Right. I see, but –

Raymond    How did you hear about the production?

Charles    Well, a friend of a friend told me –

Raymond    The sufferer?

Charles    Sufferer?

Raymond    The constipated friend, the sufferer. He’s the friend of a friend?

Charles    Oh, no, I see, no, no, he’s just a friend. It was another friend, well, a friend of a friend, he, he told me they were looking for . . . for people like me. I’ve always wanted to come and visit the United States, I’ve never seen a palm tree or a Californian redwood, and I thought –

Raymond    Yip Harburg and Harold Arlen insisted that I come on board.

Charles    Oh, ah –

Raymond    The composers: Harburg and Arlen. Yip and Harold.

Charles    Oh, right . . . um, so when I heard –

Raymond    Close friends of mine . . . they’ve written an adorable song called ‘Over the Rainbow’, unfortunately the studio don’t feel that it fits in with the tone of the rest of the compositions. Terrible waste. Very close friends.

Charles    Oh, yes, I can imagine . . . Anyway this friend of a friend –

Raymond    I wonder who’s going to be joining us. I do hope it’s a fellow thesp.

Charles    I, ah, I wouldn’t know, but as I was saying –

Raymond    You’re not one of the Washington Merryweathers by any chance? You’re not related?

Charles    Washington Merryweathers, um, I don’t –

Raymond    Lovely people. Lionel’s a hoot. We were in the Scottish play together.

Charles     Macbeth?

Raymond    Ah, you see . . . if I hadn’t already worked out you’re not a thesp I’d have known you weren’t by now.

Charles    Oh . . . I see. So you weren’t recruited by Mr Singer, the circus impresario? Mr Kowalski says that the studio gave him the contract to recruit all the Munchkins.