Meagan kissed her teeth, the long, rasping sound letting Todd know to zip it.

‘Simi?’ she said, sitting up, phone to her ear.

To the uninitiated, Simi’s breathless sobs were unintelligible but, like the parent able to decipher their toddler’s every gurgle, Meagan was well versed in decoding Simi’s talk-crying.

‘Okay, so last night your tarot lady said Oscar doesn’t want kids… then this morning you had The Talk and now it’s over and – alright, darling. Okay, okay. Don’t worry, I’ll be there in an hour,’ Meagan said before hanging up.

Meagan knew the Simi-break-up drill well, and what emergency supplies were required – red wine, pizza and lots of tissues. Meagan pushed Todd’s hand off her curvy, mocha hips ignoring his tuts. Even when there wasn’t a crisis of the heart to deal with, she never hung around for more than an hour and he knew that.

‘What’s happened, Simi locked herself in her vestibule again?’ Todd quipped.

‘That could happen to anyone!’ Meagan said, her eyes narrowing.

No one mocked her friends. That was her job.

‘I thought we could have brunch or something,’ said Todd as he watched Meagan dress.

‘Brunch? This isn’t The Real Housewives, babes. Besides if we have brunch, next it’s dinner then I’m staying the night. Nah fam, this way we get the best of each other. I never have to watch you shave and you don’t have to see me take a shit.’

‘Lovely,’ Todd laughed as he tucked his hands under his head.

Meagan slipped on her skirt and silk blouse, her mind already on Operation: Love Fool. When Simi’s relationships ended she was by her side quicker than a first responder, but seeing Simi repeat the same pattern over and over again was becoming more frustrating for Meagan. She whipped open the curtains to let in some light.

‘Meagan!’ said Todd as he yanked the duvet over his naked body.

‘It’s the middle of the afternoon and I need to do my face,’ she said touching up her already flawless make-up.

Todd collapsed in on himself like a badly folded napkin, ‘You’d miss me if I wasn’t here.’

‘And where would you go?’ Meagan laughed leaning in to kiss him.

‘I might find myself a new friend, one who wants these benefits.’ He smiled, cupping his manhood in his hands.

Meagan stared down at him. Now he wasn’t excited, it looked like a clenched fist. Of course it wasn’t about size or aesthetics. She and Todd were a good fit and she wasn’t about to surrender access anytime soon.

Meagan patted his crotch and winked, ‘Just don’t let him get into any fights.’

‘He does not look like a clenched bloody fist! Stop saying that!’ Todd wailed after Meagan but she was gone.

Out in the corridor she let his door click closed behind her as she slipped on her coat and then, pulling out her phone, pinged a six-word text to Jemima.

They’ve split up. Get home now.