‘Perfect,’ said Simi scribbling on her crumpled papers, ‘and it’s important the guys know who we truly are so, rule number two, no fibbing or exaggerating. No telling them I have a fake leg or that I’m an Olympian,’ said Simi glaring at Meagan.

‘Fine. I’ve got a rule for you, no falling in love,’ Meagan said staring right back at Simi.

Simi broke Meagan’s gaze and diligently noted that down, ‘Three. No… falling… in… love.’

Jemima rolled her eyes. If any of them were likely to do that, it wasn’t her.

‘Question,’ she interjected raising a hand. ‘If we don’t like the guy, we can veto, right?’

Simi considered this. ‘That sounds fair…’

‘Of course you can’t!’ barked Meagan. ‘The whole point is to get you two out of your comfort zones and meeting different guys or in your case, Jem – a guy.’

‘Rule number four?’ asked Simi revelling in her role as secretary.

‘You betcha, Simster,’ said Meagan.

Jemima necked her shot and thumped her head on the table. Why couldn’t Simi go to therapy like a normal person? ‘How long do we have to do this for?’ she grumbled.

‘Well, in Change Your Life, Become a Wife, it says—’ began Simi.

‘There is NOT a book called Change Your Life, Become a Wife?’ Meagan said, eyes wide.

‘Just listen. It says that changing a habit takes twenty-one days but changing your life takes ninety,’ Simi said enthusiastically.

Jemima’s heart began to race. This was the worst idea since that 3D Jaws sequel. She wouldn’t be able to take three days of this let alone three months. She panicked, looking around for an escape route. Meagan gave her a comforting pat on the knee, though to Jemima it felt more like the reassurance you give a lame racehorse who knows its fate.

‘Relax, Jem. Let’s do a month,’ said Meagan. ‘That’s plenty of time to change our habits.’

How was it that a few days ago Jemima had everything locked down but now worms were spewing from the proverbial can all over the place. Through not just gritted teeth but a gritted body, Jemima clinked glasses with Simi and Meagan, agreeing to at least give it a try.

‘Jem, it’s just a date. You never have to see them again if you don’t want to,’ Meagan said, nudging her.

Jemima sighed, her tension eventually subsiding. Maybe she could bear a few platonic evenings out?

‘Fine. Let’s give it a go,’ she conceded.

‘Perfect! I’ll start,’ Simi said scraping back her chair.

‘Wait, now?’ bleated Jemima but Simi was already standing.

‘I saw a guy earlier who would be perfect for you,’ said Simi before disappearing into the throng.

Jemima watched Simi head off trying to look sassy and confident and not heartbroken and betrayed. The head held high was good but the swinging shoulders was more Eighties-soap-star than she probably intended. Nineteen seconds later Simi returned in defeat.

‘I— I don’t know what I did wrong,’ she said looking back at the two guys she’d literally left scratching their heads.