Jemima hated the tap-the-wrong-shoulder gag. ‘Good one,’ she said with a pinched smile.

‘Get here early just in case!’ Lance laughed, rubbing his hands together with a loud clap.

Jemima exhaled a nicer smile onto her face. ‘So, where to?’ she asked.

‘My van’s outside. Just jump in the back and roll yourself up in the rug,’ said Lance.

Jemima looked at him. A murder joke two minutes after meeting? What due diligence had Simi actually done on this individual?

‘Only joking. You’re too gorgeous to murder,’ he said beckoning her to follow.

Jemima went to move but her feet were nailed to the spot. Though Lance was as threatening as a crane fly in a bath tub he just didn’t get it. Women had to think about personal safety all the time – especially on dates. All guys had to worry about was if their wallet condom had expired. Murder jokes – not cool. Ahead of her Lance stopped, turning back concerned.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

Jemima hesitated and his face fell.

‘I’ve done it again. So sorry. I’ve been told countless times to rein in the gags. I overcompensate and start gabbling,’ he said walking back towards her.

Jemima looked up at him. His contrition, real and heartfelt, took her by surprise. In her mental Rolodex she slipped his index card out of the total wanker section.

‘I just replayed the van thing back in my head. It sounded awful,’ he said slapping his forehead. ‘I heard something similar at a comedy night and, well… think I’ll stick to the day job.’

‘It’s fine. Let’s start over. I’m alright,’ Jemima said giving him a friendly jab.

‘Or are you all left? Sorry. I’m out of control.’

Jemima facepalmed, as they exited the station, a little snort of laughter escaping before she could stop herself.

‘Here we are. Thought it might be fun to try something a bit quirky,’ Lance said.

Jemima looked up at the restaurant sign.

‘Cereal Offenders. Great name, isn’t it?’ said Lance.

Jemima laughed to herself. This was the restaurant Gil, her lumbersexual date from the week before, had been yakking on about. Clearly, the Universe really wanted Jemima to have breakfast for dinner this month.

‘Hey Fast Breakers, welcome to Cereal Offenders, the crunchiest corner of Shoreditch,’ said their chirpy waitress.

Jemima looked around at the vast display of cereal boxes on the walls. There was even an entire section devoted to Rice Krispies. There were vintage boxes, novelty boxes, Star Wars boxes. A veritable treasure trove of cereal memorabilia. The restaurant itself was filled with rows of tables like a Victorian orphanage. All of them were packed with parties, works dos and rowdy groups of friends with not a single couple in the entire place.

‘Came here last week for a mate’s birthday. It was brilliant!’ said Lance over the din of spoons clunking against bowls.

Jemima looked at him. For some reason, Simi had thought he was the perfect match for her?